A better day...until I checked my bank account

Man, I need to get paid better. I know. This is not clever discourse. But it's true. I work as many hours a week as the company will let me and I am barely getting by. My student loan payment is almost twice my rent and between that, my phone and my credit cards I think I'm operating at a loss....I used to have savings....Now I have a table....which didn't cost much at all! I didn't even buy clothes. I'm going to be a temp for a while and I don't know if I'm making enough money.....I don't want to take a second job, but I don't know what else to do. Brady is working and going to school. I don't smoke or drink or go to movies or do anything that costs, but I'm still behind. I'm really worried. There's nothing I can do to decrease these bills. I even walk to work to spend less money on gas. I can't ask for a raise, but I don't know if I can get by on this. I wonder if I could get a job for just 10 or so hours a week. Call me lazy, but I don't want to work 7 days a week. Six, I'll do and maybe a really long day once a week, but I don't think I'll be able to do a good job at work if I'm working more than 50 hours a week.....

The Waiting Game

Well,

I've talked to Brady and we've decided that we can move when our lease is up! I keep hoping that if I get somewhere else I'll be happier. That's a common theme in my life and I don't think its true. I miss being outside. I was always outside in Canada. Skiing, swimming, hiking, fishing, cannoeing, backpacking. Anytime you turned around I was looking for another hill to climb or canyon to descend. I had thought that Austin would be a desert. It isn't and that disappoints me. But maybe I need to get out into Austin. The people I've met here so far annoy me with their urbanism and their, well, their very unimaginative way of living. I'll bet none of them has serious considered trying to be nomadic their whole lives. It doesn't seem like they ever get up in the morning and look at the way they live and ask themselves if it makes any sense. If there might be another way to do it. I'm sure Austin has people like that. I hear there are hippies here. But I'm not interested in getting stoned and listening to people complain about their trustfunds. I just want to live my life instead of sitting in a cubicle waiting for the weekend. On the weekends I sit by myself and read and dream about living.

I tried to volunteer at the library, thinking that volunteering would add dimension to my life. It has in the past. They offered me a position shelving books and asked for a three month time commitment and told me I need to submit to a finger print check. I don't mind the finger print check. There are kids in the library and that's common practice these days, but I don't want to spend my time shelving books. My last volunteer position involved analysis of soils of different parts of the Cote d'Ivore. It's a long fall.

I guess I'll e-mail them that it maynot work out. I don't like to quit but I'm loath to add another task which will leave me counting the hours until it is done. Probably the only way I could complete that task is to become a bibliophile. I have enough mental problems.