Fish on a Camel

A better day...until I checked my bank account

2006-12-14T21:42:00.000-05:00

Man, I need to get paid better. I know. This is not clever discourse. But it's true. I work as many hours a week as the company will let me and I am barely getting by. My student loan payment is almost twice my rent and between that, my phone and my credit cards I think I'm operating at a loss....I used to have savings....Now I have a table....which didn't cost much at all! I didn't even buy clothes. I'm going to be a temp for a while and I don't know if I'm making enough money.....I don't want to take a second job, but I don't know what else to do. Brady is working and going to school. I don't smoke or drink or go to movies or do anything that costs, but I'm still behind. I'm really worried. There's nothing I can do to decrease these bills. I even walk to work to spend less money on gas. I can't ask for a raise, but I don't know if I can get by on this. I wonder if I could get a job for just 10 or so hours a week. Call me lazy, but I don't want to work 7 days a week. Six, I'll do and maybe a really long day once a week, but I don't think I'll be able to do a good job at work if I'm working more than 50 hours a week.....

The Waiting Game

2006-12-13T22:34:00.000-05:00

Well,

I've talked to Brady and we've decided that we can move when our lease is up! I keep hoping that if I get somewhere else I'll be happier. That's a common theme in my life and I don't think its true. I miss being outside. I was always outside in Canada. Skiing, swimming, hiking, fishing, cannoeing, backpacking. Anytime you turned around I was looking for another hill to climb or canyon to descend. I had thought that Austin would be a desert. It isn't and that disappoints me. But maybe I need to get out into Austin. The people I've met here so far annoy me with their urbanism and their, well, their very unimaginative way of living. I'll bet none of them has serious considered trying to be nomadic their whole lives. It doesn't seem like they ever get up in the morning and look at the way they live and ask themselves if it makes any sense. If there might be another way to do it. I'm sure Austin has people like that. I hear there are hippies here. But I'm not interested in getting stoned and listening to people complain about their trustfunds. I just want to live my life instead of sitting in a cubicle waiting for the weekend. On the weekends I sit by myself and read and dream about living.

I tried to volunteer at the library, thinking that volunteering would add dimension to my life. It has in the past. They offered me a position shelving books and asked for a three month time commitment and told me I need to submit to a finger print check. I don't mind the finger print check. There are kids in the library and that's common practice these days, but I don't want to spend my time shelving books. My last volunteer position involved analysis of soils of different parts of the Cote d'Ivore. It's a long fall.

I guess I'll e-mail them that it maynot work out. I don't like to quit but I'm loath to add another task which will leave me counting the hours until it is done. Probably the only way I could complete that task is to become a bibliophile. I have enough mental problems.

To thine own self be true...

2006-12-11T19:01:00.000-05:00

I suppose my problem is that I have not followed this statement. It's very hard, you know, to obey all of those little platitudes. I've been heartsick these last few months. I miss archaeology. I have demands from life and they are hard to meet.

I want a home. I want to be able to pay my bills and still like what I see in the mirror when I go to bed. I want to like my job and feel as though I am doing something meaningful in the world.

I don't feel that way right now. The best I can say is that I have a home and a job. I don't really like the job. It's stressful and not meaningful, but I can't figure out where to go from here. I don't want to borrow more money to go back to school. I don't want to keep traveling for archaeology. But this job is too stressful and not rewarding enough. Something has got to give. Unfortunately, I can't think when that will be. I'm here now. I suppose that's where to begin. I need to keep going to work and paying the bills and I need to figure out how to get to where I want to be. I would like to write, but I honestly don't know if I'm good enough. This blog is mainly a journal, but its not as good as I hoped it would be. Perhaps if I wrote with more care, more consistency, it would be better. Also, I must admit, I don't write about the things that really trouble me or really excite me as often as I should. I write the things that take my fancy and I allow myself to bob along with out really challenging myself. I suppose that's my answer. I think my life would be happier if I obeyed the above platitude...I just don't know how.

Finding a non-fiction author you fall in love with....

2006-12-11T17:25:00.000-05:00

I admit it. I am constantly falling in love with authors. These people are my celebrities. My current favorite fiction authors are:
Joseph Heler (I just picked up
"Something Happened" today!)
Kurt Vonnegut, whose books I adore except for "Breakfast of Champions" which I thought was terrible. On the back of the book it says that it was his favorite book to date. Lots of my trendy artistic friends find it inspirational. I thought he was making fun of his reader and as his reader I was slightly annoyed. But maybe I missed the point.

I also love Barbara Michaels/Elizabeth Peters/whoever Except the very popular Egyptian series she writes. Everyone on earth seems to love it but me. There you go Kurt, I just have bad taste!

But finding a non-fiction author to fall in love with is so much more personal. You really know about their real lives. There are several that I love but maybe the one who is most like me (and who would most resent that considering) is Edward Abbey. A bit sexist and a lover of the environment in away that involves living in it completely, I found him fascinating I was in love before I'd made it past the second page of Desert solitaire. If you are going to read one book in your life, read the bible. If you're going to read two read the bible and Desert solitaire. Yep. It's that good. I'm excited because I just found his biography "Epitaph for a Desert Anarchist" at the library and am desperately excited to hear more about his life. I think there's a term for people who are constantly falling in love with dead people but I don't know what it is. Anyway. Read Edward Abbey's books. Really. The world would be a better place if we were all as honest.

The difficulty in finding a good science podcast

2006-12-05T20:55:00.000-05:00

I've been looking for a good science podcast and have been having trouble finding one. Some are annoying. This Week in Science: basically, you two aren't that funny. Sorry. More content, less jokes would make a lot better cast. But they have a radio show and don't need my subscription anyway.

Some are random and very hit and miss Science and the City. I admit, if I lived in New York, I'd probably love it for the events that are hits, but I don't and I listened to what felt like half an hour of the most obnoxious neuroscientist I could even imagine. That's right, combine the arrogance of the worst doctor you've ever had with the ego of a freshly tenured college professor and the wit of an elderly drunk and you've got a pretty good idea...I decided the hits weren't worth the misses.

Then there is the worst of all, the podcast where the person actual sounds informed...until they speak about a subject with which you are intimately familiar. They are arrogant, cocksure and completely miss the point. This is Scientific America podcast. They get fantastic interviews (I admit to being wide eyed with envy when they interviewed Van Shaik). But their interviewer (who claims to be an expert on evolution) didn't actually discuss any of the evolutionary implications of his research. Then there is the complete lack of research that goes into the little joke section at the end.

There was a case relating to an evolutionary grant in Canada which was simply misquoted. Then the interviewer insulted Canadians and the grant reviewing system which demands that researcher provide a complete outline of the major theories they are working with and how their research is intended to benefit this. Basically, the presenter here is obnoxious, does not fact check and seems to be unfamiliar with any research done by most major names in evolution, yet claims to be an evolutionary specialist. This was by far the worst podcast that I tried.

I'm still looking for a good general science podcast that focuses on facts rather than opinion and doesn't have a political agenda.

I did find an excellent podcast devoted to astronomy, though. Astronomy Cast. The presentation is topical, short enough to be interesting and long enough to give you the basics. What really impressed me was the discussion of dark matter. The male announcer (who's name I can not remember) didn't move me one way or the other, but the female announcer was shockingly unbiased and discussed a theory which she admitted currently fit the facts better than the more popular theory. I'd heard of both theories before this but most astronomers were so against the idea and the physists so for the idea that I became suspicious. The male announcer seemed to go more with the more popular theory, but I respected the accurate presentation by the female professor. She demonstrated that she could be honest about her biases.

So many people feel able to be more casual on podcasts, but when you grandstand your own ideals in a way that can be considered offensive, you lose listeners and you lose them fast. It sounds as though the professor is actually interested in presenting information rather than grandstanding her own ideas as so many podcasters do. This podcast really won my respect. At a point when I was considering giving up on science podcasts it was a fantastic relief!

Grinch

2006-12-01T18:39:00.000-05:00

I revised this post because it was too grinchy. Even for me. I decided instead to simply remark that many local charities need to clarify to those who are receiving and those who are giving,what their mission is. It seems that organizations like extreme home macabre, who do fantastic work, are causing really high expectations from those who receive charity. It is important that organizations decide very clearly and specifically what their purpose is and what kind of help they want from their donors. I have a specific charity in mind and several specific examples which do not need to be clarified here.

Several people I know have had very negative experiences with this group recently. Lately, it seems as though some of the recipients have been upset because they did not receive enough and donors have been hurt and angry because the recipients are asking for things that the donor's own family could not even consider buying for themselves, let alone purchasing to give away. I think charities need to prepare their recipient for the very realistic possibility that the donor will be a regular person with a regular income. The most expensive gifts are likely out of their reach and they are often sacrificing a large percent of their own Christmas budget to help the recipient. Basically, they are also doing their best, but its unlikely that the donor is a billionair. Otherwise, horrible things will ensue and naive people like me will become horrified by the rude things said to my friends and decide not to donate to social charities.

The Church as Government

2006-11-19T16:31:00.000-05:00

While at mass last week, a speaker began to talk about the local parochial school and how pleased she was her children could attend it. I was thinking about volunteering with the local chapter of the St. Vincent de Paul society, which helps the local needy. It occurred to me as I drove home that the Church forms a sort of second government. It provides education and welfare help when people feel the government has failed. I can't think why, but parochial school students always seem to score better on tests than public school students. (I went to public school, by the way). It maybe the class sizes, at our local school they are about half of the public school class sizes...but I digress.

As an archaeologist, I had always felt that our society was in deep trouble. People don't study the past the way historians and archaeologists do if they think society is doing really well. But that maybe why so many people turn to religion still. Perhaps on some level they understand that the government can not cater to all whims, it can not help everyone that needs it and it can not inspire volunteerism or altruism they way churches do. Is it because people do not love their governments the way they love their gods? Or is it because the government seems to do the least they can get away with, with the most they can demand whereas religions beg for help and then give what they receive to those who need it. Perhaps it is the fact that religion asks whereas government tells? I felt, as I considered volunteering for the Church, that I was joining a community based on love and helping with love. I never feel like that when I pay taxes, do you?

The World of Warcraft and the downfall of my dignity

2006-11-17T22:25:00.000-05:00

Just to be clear- there is no coherent theme to this blog. I've tried to have one but, well consistency is not my strong point. Moving on from that, I've begun to play world of warcraft. Brady got it, to amuse himself with and while jeering, I watched him play and decided that I too must experience this. Yes, I am a twenty-six year old woman....I know....I'm a nerd. I admit it. I guess it's not a stretch. I have a blog, I wear glasses, I really like books, there really was no alternative. But anyway, here is an example of my total lack of social grace. I joined a guild. I was invited. I figured they just needed a few more people to get an actual guild registry. But they wanted to talk and interact and were nice. I felt OK. I thought, hey these are fifteen year old boys. They'll figure out I'm a twenty-something adult and leave me alone. But they probably aren't. They helped me learn to talk. Which I couldn't figure out with out assistance. Oh yes, it was a proud moment in my life. And after helping me learn to do that, they exchanged ultra cool greetings and I accidentally pressed the "4" key while attempting to defend myself from a virtual spider. In the shameful silence that echoed my error, I fled the game. My pride demands I remain in the guild. I believe the internet is about a new kind of social interaction. A kind not based on appearance,sex or age. Apparently, I need those qualities to help me survive. It was an experience, so I debate, do I create a new character and hide from all in peaceful solitude, or do I go back and face them! It's too late tonight, but tomorrow is a brand new day....

The Holiness in being a traveler

2006-11-13T00:27:00.000-05:00

I think there is an inherent holiness in being a traveler. Particularly in practicing nomadism, but also, simply traveling in general. When you travel you leave behind your world. In that sense it is a form of aescetism, but you also deliberately view the new environment you have put yourself in. You explore the beauty and embrace the unexpected positives, while you acknowledge the negatives. This seems worldly and materialistic, but I think that this experience teaches you to care. It opens your eyes to alternative ways of being and acting and behaving, but it also shows you how the other people, the people who are now real to you, live. It makes that elusive other so much more human. I committed a grievous error in my last post, I talked about how I realized that Americans were dying. That was honest of me, but it wasn't good. I've been traveling all over Canada and the US, so Americans to me means "people". But that's a product of my own ignorance. The Iraqis being killed deserve my acknowledgement at least as people. Had I traveled there, I'm sure that sense of other, the feeling that only North Americans are people, would have immediately vanished.

I suppose the holiness in being a traveler rates to love. To appreciation. I don't believe that people were meant to ignore the world and to live only in the mind or through the spirit. That may be blasphemy, but I don't think so. I think that we were meant to love the world and enjoy it in a responsible way while we are here. There will be a time for us to live only in the spirit. (I hope). But as a traveler, we see the world as much like children as we will ever be able to again. We are younger, more honest and more joyful. That is why I believe there is a holiness in being a traveler. Perhaps I am right, Jesus traveled. To preach of course, but maybe also to love the world even more? And the apostles traveled and many of the saints.

Two books I am reading inspired these thoughts, though I won't claim either of them intended these ideas. The first book Acts of Faith, is not about religion. It's a good read, but it's dark and it will leave you with very little faith in African relief organizations. I'm glad I read it, but my next book will be much fluffier. It is fiction and has won a variety of awards. The second book is a translation. I'm reading it more slowly and it may have hinted more strongly at the point I was attempting to make. This is The little Flowers of Saint Francis. (This link is not the edition that I am reading, because I don't like to read full books on line). The Little Flowers of Saint Francis is really a collection of oral traditions about the Saint. In the grand history of oral traditions, it is very likely that there is a great deal of truth to the stories. However, there must certainly be some excaduration and some of the stories may have been made up later. This is acknowledged, to my great delight, in the introduction to my copy of the book. I always appreciate the honesty in tracking down sources and potential changes. I find it unsettling to believe that any current book is exactly and completely true, particularly after it has faced translator after translator and copyist after copyist. The individual can not be ignored in history when he is the one recording the story. (Please excuse my rampant use of the masculine pronoun, but generally, it was men doing this work). I've strayed from my point! So I'll hold off here. I can give a diatribe about this another day.

Donald Rumsfeld Resigns!

2006-11-08T21:22:00.000-05:00

It's been quite a week! Wow...I have to admit that Donald Rumsfeld was not my favorite person. To be fair, he had an enormously difficult job. His job was to organize the war that Bush and Congress passed. Pretty tough. However, the reason he was not my favorite person began years ago. Back when most Americans supported the war. It began when the museums of Baghdad were being looted and the priceless artifacts of the Mesopotamian and Islamic civilizations where stolen. Early copies of the Koran and the Epic of Gilgamesh (with a creation story shockingly similar to that of Genesis) were...er...misplaced. And Rumsfeld came on tv and asked "How many pots could they really have?" Sweet and merciful Lord!?! Did we hear him correctly? Let's see, civilization in that region has existed for at least 8000 years, so er...more than a couple probably. And as I mentioned earlier, those items are not just of interest to Moslems or Iraqis. The Mesopotamians are mentioned liberally in the old testament and the Epic of Gilgamesh should be required reading in any post-secondary Christian academy. These were priceless relics. I don't know if it'd be an exaduration to compare this to a raid on the Met... So that was when I first disliked Rumsfeld. When I realized that he only cared about doing his job.

I was prepared to think better of that, when I realized that Americans were actually dying over there. I began to think less about the Epic of Gilgamesh (I apologize deeply to my excellent college professors and assure them that I never forgot about it). But there were other problems. Not only were our people dying, they were being commanded to torture. I don't believe for a second that the reservists who humiliated those prisoners were acting of their own volition. I believe they were following orders and I believe that the continued evidence of forms of torture used support this theory. I believe Rumsfeld should have enforced the oath that all American soldiers are forced to take declaring that they must not do anything violating the Geneva convention, even if ordered. I must say that when you are under theUniform Code of Military Justice, things don't seem quite the same as when you are a regular person. But, no one said being in the military would be pleasant or easy, so maybe that wasn't his responsibility either. Maybe what bothered me the most about his resignation is that I don't think it will change anything. From a once passionate anti-Rumsfeldian (who makes up words, occasionally), this is a big statement.

If voting for the Democrats was a vote to withdraw troops from Iraq, it was a foolish move. We've committed. We got Saddam! Be careful what you wish for. Now, if we want to have any respect on the international front or just plain simply to do the right thing, we need to come up with a genuinely good exit strategy. If we don't get one, we'd have been better off not ever going into Iraq in the first place. We can't topple a government and then leave. This is our responsibility and the situation may well get worse before it gets better because of what a daunting prospect it is. Maybe if we had more international help.....

Essentially, I'm concerned that Rumsfeld was the Republican's sacrificial lamb. "We're sorry, we messed up...You may feast on his innards and we will transfer all blame to him and walk away pure". But getting rid of Rumsfeld will only help if he is replaced with someone who can utilize the same resources in a better way. We'll see, I suppose?

For a more positive salute to Donald please view Gateway Pundit

The WENIS and the difficulty in finding meaning in every day life.

2006-11-08T18:29:00.000-05:00

Do you remember that episode of friends where they try to figure out what Chandler does? He keeps talking about the WENIS, which stands for weekly estimated somthing. That's what my job is like. Since I don't deeply care about the WENIS, I try to find meaning other ways. By interacting with my coworkers and making sure I get a decent lunch. (Food matters to me). But I think it's important to keep up with hobbies and stimulation. I'm still waiting to see if my Church will have judged me worthy to sponsor someone, but we shall see. Hopefully I can find some sort of community there. I should also be starting volunteering at the Library in town in December. I just miss the feeling that I am doing something meaningful and useful...I have the out of school blues...On the plus side, my boyfriend is cooking me a fabulous dinner and the week is more than half over. I'll try to read a very educational book this week and I've been meaning to put up a post about Catharism. It's a French Heresy from way back, but their ideas were actually pretty cool. My priest, knowingly or unknowingly addressed some of their issues at mass last week, so it should be interesting. Finding meaning in the everyday can be a real challenge. I'll try to see what other people do!

Chris Bell's Concession in Texas

2006-11-07T22:45:00.000-05:00

I was inspired to write today byChris Bell's concession speech. I saw it on the local news, which is, sadly, where I got most of my information regarding the election. I couldn't vote, as a citizen but non-resident, so I didn't follow the election as closely as I probably should have. I console myself with the idea that I'm busy looking for general political and economic trends. Well maybe I am and maybe that's just hogwash, but if I'd voted in Texas I'm afraid it wouldn't have been for either of the independents.

I'm all about voting for the independents especially with how partisan everything is now, but these independents...well. The "One Tough Gramma" campaign made my inner-economist quiver in terror. Really? Does paying for an additional two years of education for every student in Texas sound like a good idea? It'll be grade 13(Ontario) all over again...what an expensive and useless debacle that is. And Kinky Freeman, well I'd link to him, but since he thinks the internet is a tool of the Devil, I'm sure he'll appreciate me avoiding that. For his soul of course....

But I might have voted for Bell. I was a little frightened by the new Governor's (Perry) political commercials showing Bell as a very large and scary person leaning on the whitehouse. That was effective. I wouldn't want to elect a hideously large governor who would accidentally push the whitehouse over...But his concession speech was really excellent. I mean, I'm pretty critical, but he stepped down with grace and dignity. So much so that I began to suspect that he may live to race another day....

But enough of my evil suspicious mind. It's just interesting that the information I received was really all slander from all sides. I essentially picked the candidate who's slander I approved of most. And then tried to judge the character of the man as he stepped down. But I suppose this is where politics gets so dangerous. I mean, assuming that Governor Perry is correct and Bell is secretly an enormous whitehouse toppling giant, he has won my sympathy and my respect today. But I know that he was trained to act that way. His handlers probably taught him how to smile at the camera just so and convince me that he was losing with nobleness of spirit. So I wonder if even the concession speeches can be trusted?

The only time I've ever trusted a politicians sincerity was when the republicans swept the house and senate. I was watching cross-fire and the democrat that always makes up phony statistics actually looked like he was going to cry. Before then, I'd thought he was a miserable little toad. (I get very offended by people who make up statistics.) But I guess what I'm saying is at least he loss with dignity...maybe.....

Why I am religious

2006-11-05T16:19:00.000-05:00

So I'm not a good Catholic. I mean, I try to be, but I'm not prone to accepting things blindly and I have a background in near eastern archaeology. This causes me to see the past in the same sort of terms I see the present in. In other words, I imagine how John the Baptist must have really emphasized to people that they shouldn't pee in the river, because not only would they drink out of it later, they were all standing in it. This could be thought of as sacrilege. But I don't think it is. I think all of the people in the past were just people like you and me. They had the same kind of problems people have always had, through out history. They were hungry, they got lonely, the government annoyed them, the temple priests opposed them, they had to move to find work. Sometimes they were poor and sometimes they were jealous of each other and they experienced all of those things that we do. I am not religious because I think times were better or more holy or anything in the past.

I am religious because of that feeling that you get in a church. When the choir is singing and the priest is going through the rituals. When the little alter girls, moving in unison, light the candles and bow to the host. Then there are the little personal things that happen that convince you there must be something else. Dreams, images or just a compulsion to do something or say something. Everyone can have these experiences. These are the reasons that I am religious. In the heights of my doubts, I can remember the feelings of peace and love in these sacred places. Even when I doubt the existence of God, I can't ignore the way people come together to create a place of peace and beauty. That makes it all worth looking into for me.

So maybe I'm not a good Christian...but I like what I do.....

The value of community

2006-11-04T23:56:00.000-05:00

So I've figured out a few of the reasons I've been kind of out of it in the past. I've been very worried about money. Having a job now is relieving that to some degree (OK to a great degree). I'm still worried about what will happen when/if this temp job does not become permanent, but having fulltime work beats the heck out of not having fulltime work!

But I've also been crazy because of lack of community. I went to a work friends birthday party tonight with Brady and we had a really great time! They were nice and friendly and the atmosphere was really positive and welcoming. It was good. And it was something I've needed. I had the day off today and I didn't really do anything. I've got some Canadian paper work I've avoided, so I took a few small tasks out of the way and just played my computer game and hung out with my much neglected dog. All in all it was a productive day, but it would've been better if I'd done what I needed to do. I'll do it in baby steps. Tomorrow I'll find and organize all the paperwork and once I've done that I'll see how I feel about actually getting on it!

But the value of community is that light hearted energy that you can get from other people. That community and silliness and fun! I needed that! So thankyou to those who are kind to strangers and to new people! Even if we don't show it as much as we should, we appreciate it! A lot! Everyone needs a community. Maybe this will give me the confidence to go to mass tomorrow and look for that community there too! We shall see. Maybe I'll even finally go to that mensa meeting I've been planning to attend every month and never gotten around to. I really ought to...

We shall die in darkness....

2006-11-02T23:14:00.000-05:00

I'm not in a morbid mood. I just got off the phone with a good friend from a non-cemetery field project, but I've been contemplating religion, mortality and archaeology a lot lately and I've come up with some really interesting ideas. Unfortunately, I have this job, which makes it difficult for me to blog them though there is time to contemplate while trying not to get hit by cars on the walk to work. (Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for the job and if I'm not as grateful as I should be, I'll try to be more grateful. But I found this poem, this beautiful poem reprinted in a Barbara Michaels book "Be buried in the rain" . It's wonderful so I wanted to link it here, so I'd be able to find a copy to read again at my leisure.

Here it is:

Let us abandon then our gardens and go home
And sit in the sitting-room.
Shall the larkspur blossom or the corn grow under the cloud?
Sour to the fruitful seed
Is the cold earth under this cloud,
Fostering quack and weed, we have marched upon but cannot conquer;
We have bent the blades of our hoes against the stalks of them.

Let us go home, and sit in the sitting-room.
Not in our day
Shall the cloud go over and the sun rise as before,
Beneficent upon us
Out of the glittering bay,
And the warm winds be blown inward from the sea
Moving the blades of corn
With a peaceful sound.
Forlorn, forlorn,
Stands the blue hay-rack by the empty mow.
And the petals drop to the ground,
Leaving the tree unfruited.
The sun that warmed our stooping backs and withered the weed uprooted -
We shall not feel it again.
We shall die in darkness, and be buried in the rain.

What from the splendid dead
We have inherited -
Furrows sweet to the grain, and the weed subdued -
See now the slug and the mildew plunder.
Evil does not overwhelm
The larkspur and the corn;
We have seen them go under.

Let us sit here, sit still,
Here in the sitting-room until we die;
At the step of Death on the walk, rise and go;
Leaving to our children's children this beautiful doorway,
And this elm,
And a blighted earth to till
With a broken hoe.

And my source, of course. Edna St Vincent Millay was the author. In general, she and I would probably not have gotten along. An advocate of free love and open marriage in the nineteen twenties, she must have been quite a woman. Personally, I believe in freedom, but I think the desire to have an open marriage stems from two things.

1) The belief in your own ability not to commit to one person forever

2) The fear that an open marriage is the only way to keep someone committed to you forever.

That's how my mind works any way. Also, I'm afraid I'd fall in love with someone other than my husband and then want to be married to him instead....I mean what's the point in getting married then? Why not just be "friends"? I don't get it, obviously. But she was a feminist in those exciting flapper days! That must have been fascinating. She also turns an excellent phrase. Her other poetry also is quite descriptive. That's one thing I admire about Barbara Michaels; she finds wonderful authors and excellent phrases.

As an archaeologist I've always gotten a little chill at the expression "Be of good cheer! No man is immortal!" It was the pleasant kind of chill for some reason. Ms. Michaels uses the quote often. She'd probably hate my bizarre Catholic philosophy with her obviously Calvinist/Atheistic perspective, but I admire her writing nonetheless and I don't see any reason we need to agree on religious philosophy since I love her feminist philosophy. I can't remember what phase of feminism she was...I zoned out on the "phases of feminism" lecture in sociology. I know what I want and I don't really care to have my opinions categorized by phase as though I should logically progress or revert to some alternate phase.

But anyway. I wrote this blog to share my admiration of two excellent female authors. And that beautiful phrase they have given us "We shall die in darkness and be buried in the rain...." How lovely! I also like the end lines of the poem :

"Leaving to our children's children this beautiful doorway,
And this elm,
And a blighted earth to till
With a broken hoe. "

I don't think I'm a pessimist, but I think we could live better and I think it's part of the nature of humanity and perhaps all animals to strive to live better.

But it's past my bedtime. I doubt I'll expand further on this poem, this page is not meant for a literary critique.

There's life after archaeology....maybe.....

2006-10-27T20:43:00.000-05:00

So the new job is looking up. It's only temp and its not rocket science but I like the repetition mingled with the change. The people are great. Life is looking up.

B (the boyfriend) got an e-mail from a couple of our friends who are also trying to get out and they are getting by, but its rough on them too. The male half of the partnership had to go back and is trying to look for another job from out in the field. (That's got to be tough!) His wife is doing ok. She's building a small business and its starting to take off. Its still the first year, but she's getting by. B's doing alright. I think he's relieved to have taken a job closer to home.

And we got an interesting e-mail today from shovelbums, the expert on archaeology jobs in North America. If you're an anthropology student in the United States you must use that web site. There's almost nothing else. Anyway, the e-mail was interesting because apparently the field of archaeology is having trouble finding experienced archaeologists, particularly those willing to travel! Shocking! Maybe conditions will finally improve......

The situation is bad enough that the owner of shovelbums is soliciting archaeologists for winter work....very interesting...no? Anyway, here's to my poor freezing buddies in tents in Iowa this winter! I'd drink a beer with you in a heart beat if I could! And to those of you who might be looking, check out shovel bums. As for me, I'm still waiting for a per diem check from a corrupt and evil company in Knoxville Tennessee. I'd consider hitting the road again if conditions improved, and who knows, maybe one day they will!

The new job is OK

2006-10-24T21:12:00.000-05:00

Whew! Day two of the new job is over! It's actually pretty good. It is so great to be getting out of the house and the promise of a semi-regular pay check. I don't have a whole lot of news, but I wanted a glorius-tired-things-looking-up-kind-of post. Here it is.

Tell me all your thoughts on God...

2006-10-21T23:41:00.000-05:00

Well, I know I don't always write about it, but I think about religion often. I think about my own faith, Catholicism, and the faith of my mother,. Anglicanism. I read about Hinduism and Buddism and I sing Shivatic chants in my car on the way to work.

As an archaeologist, I researched the people who were thought to be the enemies of the old testament peoples. The Mesopotamians, some of whom worshiped that golden calf in the bible.

But while I was answering phones and listening to classical music at the reception desk the other day, I began to wonder why it's so much easier for me to do research than it is to go to mass. There are a thousand small reasons, but I think the real reason is that I don't have the faith I used to.

As a child, I had perfect faith, but I remember, as a teenager when things began to get more fuzzy. My fatih has never fully recovered and I'm deeply concerned that it never will. But I'm abivalent about whether or not that is good.

As a child, I believed that when I died, I would go up to heavan and sit on a cloud with all of the other angels. I thought that the astronauts did not see the angels because they were still alive, so they weren't meant to. But as an adult I begin to beleive that parts of the bible are metaphorical.

As a child, the fact that the universe and earth and all the animals on it were created completely in seven days didn't throw me at all. This despite the fact that I lived near one of the largest Paleontological museums in the world. As an adult I accepted that the seven days creation must be a metaphor.

But letting in metaphors creates all sorts of problems for faith. I can see why some of the born-again groups don't allow it. It makes things complicated. If the seven days creation was a metaphor, then maybe heavan is a metaphor? What if the reserection was a metaphor? These are dangerous, dangerous thoughts. I know it. I appologize if reading them shakes your own faith. I am only hoping for some catharsis in the release.

But not every single act in the bible can be a metaphor. There are things stated expressly that must not be metaphorical. These are things I am looking for. These are the reasons why it is so interesting to me to study the day to day life of people in that period. I want to believe with my mind the things my heart tries to hold.

And there is one more thing...one more weakness...there are tenants of Catholicism that I have real trouble with. The condemnation of homosexuals is one such tenant. Also, I have mixed feelings on the birth control ban. It seems that starving families might be permitted to make that option themselves. And issues like this seem to be decided more by the Church than by the bible so it becomes a situation where I question the Church. This is also a very dangerous path to take. It is not possible in one lifetime for me to duplicate the research and spiritual depth the Church has, so to put myself above the Church shakes my faith to its very foundation.

I haven't been to confession in awhile...I'm afraid that we do it really casually back home that somehow I'll do it wrong...but I think it might be time to go again. I'm just not sure how to confess these doubts. So. Tell me all your thoughts on God...or at least point me to your blog!

Am I supposed to want kids?

2006-10-20T16:53:00.000-05:00

So here's the thing. I know I want kids. One day...before I die. I know I should want kids...continuation of the genes, family, the miracle of birth and all that. But I'm not really interested in other peoples kids. My friends have kids and I'm interested in them, but only because of my friends. I'm not interested in random kids. (Not that there are random kids, but you know what I mean). I'm not trying to be mean or cold. Sometimes I find kids really,really annoying. So am I just not cut out for kids? Should I still have them? Will I want them more later?

Life...the universe and everything...

2006-10-17T18:53:00.000-05:00

....Copy rightDouglas Adams...who knows when.

I am starting to feel human again...I'm still tempted to randomly drive places to become an archaeologist, but I need to remember that since I can't get funding for grad school(with my piddling 3.4 GPA) that's a dead end road for me...I need to figure out something more perminant! But no more worrying. Celebrating Brady's b-day and my new contract job and my few temp days...A whole new world opens up before me. A world of being able to buy groceries without freaking out about:

1) How I will fit it in my car and how I will cook it in a motel on a hot plate(arky days)

2) How I will pay for it sense I no longer get per diem (post arky days).

One day...I may even buy end tables...(right now we use old computer and microwave boxes...that's right...the micro is that old....)

But for these dreams, another time...

Finally getting better...

2006-10-15T16:06:00.000-05:00

Hey, I haven't posted for awhile because things have pretty much sucked....and I didn't really feel like spending all my time wallowing in it. Instead, I practiced driving and conquered RPG's on Brady's x-box. Yep. I was so lonely that I got all of my social stimulation from an x-box and a crafted set of programmed charecters. Am I ashamed? A little, but at least I'm honest.

But I've been getting a little bit of work here and there from the temp agency and I finally got a four month contract. I miss archaeology like hot damn though, and I'm super-regretful about some of my college mistakes... but the past is the past....

I've made baby steps toward volunteering at the local library, to see if I love books in a librarian kind of way or if it's actually even more unholy than that.

For an example of the unholy love of books see The Club Dumas

There's book I loved, in that strange and unholy way which allows me to recommend it to all of my friends but to find some bizare excuse for not loaning them my copy.

Also: I am getting alone better with my dog. Here is his picture for your edification.

Secret Confessions

2006-09-08T21:52:00.000-05:00

OK. I'm bored, so I thought I'd put a few of my secret confessions out here for your entertainment.

1. I watch law and order whenever I can.
It's on every place I've traveled so I find it comforting. I was distraught when Lenny died. I still miss him on the show. I'm really glad he got that New York honor while he was still alive.

2. If I don't get tons of physical exercise I am too caffeine sensitive to drink coffee.
But I still do it anyway because I don't want to look like a nerd drinking decaf. I'm slowly coming out of the closet.

3. I really want to settle down with the current guy.
I always thought I'd put my own needs first and focus on career, but I really want to do both. I feel like such a stereo-type thinking this way.

4. Part of me would really like to be a librarian
I really like books. In kind of a sick unhealthy way. I decide which books I will break the binding of before I read them. Some times I read them over and over again with out breaking the binding.

5. I'm torn between having a settled life and being nomadic
Some how, I've made it so that its difficult to settle down. I'm afraid I won't find something to do and will have to go back on the road. I think I sound like an addict rather than a field technician

6. I want to go back to school, but I'm afraid to borrow anymore money
And I'm afraid that if I don't go to school I can't get a job-

7. I baby talk to my dog
Even though I think it's really dumb to baby talk to your baby (impedes linguistic development). But my puppy is such a cute boy! He's my cute boy!

8. When I was a little kid I want to be "everything" and I think I still do
Maybe I lack emotional maturity? Or some other kind of maturity?

9. I may be the worst speller to successfully graduate college.
Oh man if they ever took my spell checker away....

10. I get very nervous about stupid things
Like calling temp agencies or driving in new cities. Very odd.

Change is hard!

2006-09-08T20:53:00.000-05:00

So. We've moved to Texas and Brady is working for a catering company. The hours are long and I am alone with puppy and the internet. I begun the job search yesterday and I am finding it is really scary to try to change careers. It's only been one year and one degree. I called a temp agency and they were not super helpful. I was surprised. With a degree, a decent resume and a good cover letter, I thought for sure that a temp agency should be no problem,but I got kind of a negative vibe off of them. I guess I shouldn't let one single temp agency throw me. I just thought that it would be no problem at all to get a temp agency job. Maybe they are just disorganized? I don't know....

Yellowstone trip!

2006-08-12T23:47:00.000-05:00

Brady and I went to Yellowstone with my parents and brother. I miss them. I'd like to have a job where I can afford to fly them down to visit every once in awhile. Brady and I are currently on our way back. We're very close to Mt. Rushmore and it's the last day of Bike Week! Good times!

Movin' to Austin and Starting fresh

2006-08-04T11:13:00.000-05:00

Well kids, after a long discussion with Brady, we've decided to get out of this crazy game and settle in a bit. There have been even more problems with pay and per diem so we've come to realize that archaeological technicians have no real value. I also miss having friends. I'm up in Canada for a week and then we are taking our holiday and moving to Austin TX where we'll begin a more normal life. It's been a blast and I'm sad to go, but it hasn't been as intellectually stimulating as I'd hoped and I'm looking forward to some stability and safety. Now I'll have time to take the odd class on-line or at UT and maybe I'll finish my econ degree or work a bit untill I get an MBA. Who can say?

Trip to Myrtle Beach

2006-07-21T08:05:00.000-05:00

Well, as part of a plan to not pay us holiday pay or give us a week off, the company gave us all two days off, knowing that we are at least a five hour drive each way. We pooled our resources and staid at a beach front hotel in nearby Myrtle Beach. It was fantastic. As a confirmed desert rat, I was startled to discover that my head could be turned by the Atlantic ocean. And was it ever! I began to understand what people called "the lure of the sea". The waves were fantastic and powerful and the sand and sun and endless stretch of ocean practically begged me to stay and explore it. I felt a call to travel as deep and gut wrenching as you can possibly imagine. This call was not for foreign deserts or the indigenous people that know them best, it was for tropical islands and sunsets spent in hammocks. I began to understand why people love money. It can buy these moments. I don't know if it can be called greed, or merely a form of lust that possessed me. It was powerful, it was important and I'm still not sure if it was good or bad. Either way I had a wonderful time. I think I will visit the Caribbean at some point.

Salt glazed ceramic

2006-06-17T19:36:00.000-05:00

This is my what I learned at work today post. Other than the fact that if you drink nothing but gatorade you will feel a little sick to your stomach, I learned about alkaline glazing and salt glazing on historic ceramics. alkaline glazing is painted on and generally has a green/brown color. Salt is "thrown in" while the ceramic is being fired, so creating a thinner glaze with little "orange peel" marks. Because it is not painted on there will not be dripping or streaking as with alkaline glazing. This was nerdy, but if you are doing historic archaeology around here, it's a good thing to know.

We are accumulating furniture and eating cactus!

2006-06-10T20:21:00.000-05:00

So, the realization that we are a serious couple has inspired Brady and I to accumulate furniture. Our neighbors gave us a couch and a desk while they were moving out and a friend of ours gave us a bureau and a headboard. Yesterday, Brady surprised me with mattresses and we'd already bought a bookshelf and a patio table for our dining room. But we are not full time employees. We are temporary staff for a company relatively new to archaeology. We are affiliated with another company in a near-by town, but we have absolutely no promise of stability or employment. Between the two of us, we are highly experienced, employable and generally good to be around, but we may have to move at any time to keep employed. I keep suggesting the tent trailer, but its getting very easy to start "nesting" down here. I'll have to watch it...

On a different note. I found cactus fruit on sale at the local Kroger! How wild is that? So we bought two, they were green, but other wise looked the same as the ones in the photo. Cactus fruit from the prickly pear is called tuna(I kid you not), which makes it incredibly hard to find recipes for on the internet. After searching, it turns out you can just peal it and eat it. The "tuna" tasted an awful lot like kiwi, which I love, but the seeds were larger and solid. There were also an awful lot of them. I am still searching for a way to use this delicious fruit without making it into jam, the only other suggestion I found.

Oh! I forgot to take a picture of them before we ate them, so the photo is courtesy of http://hartmanprehistoricgarden.com/sa-opuntia.html. The page has some very lovely photos.

Feeling Pretty!

2006-06-10T10:19:00.000-05:00

Well, after kicking up a big fuss about not getting paid, I am now going to get paid! The lady incharge of..er...something...lied to me about my pay and so I called her bosses boss. The worst part of it was that she lied because she was too lazy to fix it herself, not for any sort of gain, or because she was confused. Field Technicians do NOT usually have to mess with their own payroll this way. We are paid hourly and not for this. I am very glad that it is being handled.

Before the bosses boss decided to fix it, I decided to not answer my phone and go shopping. I have not bought nice cloths in ages! Probably more than a year. I'm a pretty out-in-the-wilds kind of girl, but it still feels good to look nice! I sent Brady to help his mom with something (or, he sent himself) and gave myself a manicure, a pedicure, new pair of jeans (size 5, thankyou!) and one of those seventies style hangy kind of shirts. I talked to a friend I worked with in Indiana for about an hour! How relaxing! I'm cleaned, lotioned perfumed and there are orange juice popsicles in the freezer. Life is good.

What is Cultural Resource Management (CRM)?

2006-06-05T19:33:00.000-05:00

Cultural Resource Management (CRM) is the non-academic, or business side of archaeology. Universities often conduct highly academic projects. These projects often have large budgets and long time frames. Academic projects are often (but not always) on very, very nice sites. But there are many sites which must be excavated (or at least evaluated)so that building can commence. There is history and prehistory nearly everywhere, so not all projects can wait to receive the type of funding or time constraints of academic archaeology. Infact, the vast majority of excavations in North America are conducted by CRM archaeologists. There is a rivalry, of sorts between CRM archaeologists and academics, but both do vital work and the field would be crippled by the loss of either. Academic archaeologists tend to publish more (they often have more of a financial incentive to do this) and their crews of often made up of volunteers or unpaid students. CRM archaeologists nearly always spend more time, during a year, in the field and their crews are generally seasoned archaeologists mixed with the occasional recent graduate.

Academic positions tend to be incredibly difficult to get, where as CRM tends to burn through techs very quickly. The word on the street is that the average (mode) tech lasts 3 years in the field before switching to another career. The reasons for this will be discussed in another post.

Projects I am working on

2006-05-29T08:37:00.000-05:00

Projects I am working on:

I Get a hobby I am thinking of learning to quilt. It will be usefull and non-stressful.

II build a free lance writers portfolio. This would seem to entail doing some sort of writing, beyond my academic publications, my journal and this blog. I'm working on it slowly.

III Get a second job I don't know anyone in town and I'm bored, so I think it might be good for me to take a parttime job. Make a little extra money and maybe a few friends!

IV Improve this blog so that more people will read it and thus, care about me. If you read please comment! Even negative comments are appreciated.

V Don't worry so much about my parent's finances There's not much I can do to help them. I really need to focus on taking care of myself. Once I can do that, I can think about helping them.

VI Figure out what I want to do with my life I'm volunteering at a public library to see if I want to be a librarian, but I need to be realistic about what will make me happy. I can't be a receptionist forever, but I don't want to go back into archaeology and become trapped.

VII Go to mass regularly I need an anchor and a sense of community. Religion has always provided that for me. Why not take advantage of it now that I can stay in one place?

VIII Make an effort to keep in touch with Field friends and friends from back home It's too easy to loose touch with people that really matter.

That's it for now!

My Trip to Gatlingburg and the Great Smoky Mountains

2006-05-28T20:38:00.000-05:00

The great smokey mountains were absolutely gorgeous. I am a mountain snob, as any good child of the Rockies should be, however, these mountains have a beauty all of their own. The trees are mainly deciduous and the effect is stunning. After we got out there I could see the temptation to set out with what little you've got and never come back! And the bear out there are little blacks! No angry camper-stalking grizzlies waiting to eat you and your dog! I'm halfway to trying to convince Brady that we should live in my parents tent trailer in the woods. He won't leave his internet connection, but I'm working on him.

Officially Under Construction

2006-05-27T08:33:00.000-05:00

So there are a few links and features that don't currently work. I'm working on it, but it may take a little time. Leave a comment if there is something that seems down for awhile.

What the heck is Fish on a Camel?

2006-05-25T13:59:00.000-05:00

So. I went through a phase where I was reading a lot of Sufi poetry and I was struck by a poem written by Hafez. Quoted from Ladinsky's translated volume The Gift I humbly present to you "Damn Thirsty"

First
The fish needs to say,
"Something ain't right about this
Camel ride-

And I'm
Feeling so damn

Thirsty."

I love this poem because it is short, unprentious, funny and still makes a religious point. The point is that we are souls unawakened. Once we become awakened we will realize that some of our actions are senseless and the solutions to our true problems will become very obvious.

I think anyone, of any faith, who wants to understand religion from a more personal emic perspective should read the Sufi poets. The only two that I am acquainted with are Rumi and Hafez. Rumi has a very lovely poem entitled "The Love of Dogs" which I would also highly recommend.

Because I was ending my college years and getting ready to throw myself at the world when I started this blog I entitled it "Fish on a Camel". I wanted to remind myself that now is the time for me to satisfy my human and spiritual desires. It is finally time to put the books down (at least part way) and begin to truly live my life. It is my time, as it were, to be very thirsty.

Using Photoshop to try to make a nice banner

2006-05-25T13:42:00.000-05:00

In a possibly misguided effort to improve the quality of this blog. For you all, I'm trying to learn about the formatting. I know you're thinking: But if you only improved the content... I'm working on it. But until my life becomes dramatically more exciting, I'm looking at format. I've got a copy of Photoshop 7 and am learning how to make banners. Actually, I'm learning how to move around in photoshop. It's pretty cool. I messed around with a picture of my mum until she looked like a black angel of death. In the original picture she was smiling and waving Christmas wrap. The picture looked a bit demented so I didn't save it. Next time I think I will.

We are having some people from a different arky company over for dinner so the illustrius boyfriend is cooking, while I play on the computer and make a half assed attempt at cleaning. I realized belatedly: if he cooks a bunch of food, that smell will cover up that of the scented oils I have been burning to make our home more inviting. I am not yet much of a host. Shocking, coming from someone who happily lived in a car for about a year. More later.

About Money as a Field Tech

2006-05-24T19:55:00.000-05:00

So. A working field tech makes okay money. Not what your friends with business degrees make, but we do alright. The problem can be when either a) you don't work for awhile or b) you or your company does something wierd and you wind up having to hunt down your checks. In this case I am having a massive case of both b with a little case of a. This is why it is imperitive to have a saftey net. A small amount of savings which will allow you eat. I have a small safety net, so it will be OK. As long as my appointment to get everything fixed actually works out. Wish me luck!

Something Scary I Learned Today!

2006-05-20T20:53:00.000-05:00

OK, so we all know that we are supposed to take only the recommended dose of medications. Personally, I've always been a real stickler about perscriptions but very casual about over the counter pain medications. It sounds like that might be a very dangerous way to be. I know that young children should NOT take Aspirin, but I didn't know that it is actually common to die of liver failure due to accidental Tylenol overdose. I am not a doctor, and I have nothing against the good people at Tylenol, but as a woman and an athlete I've always been cavalier about the "recommended dosage". It appears that attitude can cause death! Much more easily than you would think. I posted this so that anyone reading would know to watch out for that. I hate to hear about people dying from accidentally taking too many tylenol. Take Care!

I Hate Sick days

2006-05-20T15:37:00.000-05:00

I called a sick day today because of...er..you don't need the exact details. Trust me. However, there is something sort of horrible about a sick day in the field. Unable to get back to sleep, I lay in the hotel bed in the morning listening to the rain, thinking about my poor co-workers who were undoubtedly sitting in the truck thinking one of two things. 1) Why won't our field director call it a rainday and let us goooo? 2) Oh God, why won't our field director call it a rainday and let us go? I'm kidding. We are on a very cool project right now, so there is a good chance they were thinking "Augh! I am right in the middle of that excavation!" Then I watched about 6 hours of NYPD blue, which I only watch when I am sick and felt guilty when they called at noon to see if I was dead. Even though I really couldn't have worked. Then there is the loss of pay...one days pay matters to me right now. I don't yet have insurance or benefits or paid sick days. Not that fancy. Maybe one day, but I have no more complaints. I need to appear..er..however it is I should appear when the boy friend arrives in the next fifteen minutes. I think he's going to have to drive me to the drug store.....

Now in South Carolina during torrential rains

2006-05-18T20:19:00.000-05:00

OK. So I'm a dork to be impressed by torrential rains. But I am anyway. It rains in South Carolina like you would not believe. I guess the new political debate is about immigrants. Well. I am a sort of immigrant as I came from Canada to the United States. The difference, I guess, is that I was born with US citizenship and I was raised with the concept that the United States is a beautiful and wonderful country. And that it is mine. My father and all of his brother's except 1 served in this countries least popular war (or Korea, but who remembers Korea?). I feel strongly that I am an American (and my passport says so). But I have some sympathies for illegal immigrants. I don't think they should be considered felons. But I do know that with current unemployment rates they are helping big business by driving wage costs down. This is not hate mongering. I know my economics. I complained about wages being driven down by unqualified screeners in an earlier post. Any time large groups of people are willing to do similar work for less money it drives wages down. The answer is not to punish the immigrants though, because hunting down each poor, desperate individual is unrealistic and somewhat monstrous. The solution is to severely punish the employer and to deport the illegal immigrants when they are found. It may also be a good idea to reconsider the law that an American is any individual born in the United States, because that would also remove the incentive to immediately have children upon illegal entry.

People will always attempt to improve their situation, that will never change. The only solution is to punish the companies that benefit from employing illegal labor.
Just my thoughts.

Got an appartment

2006-05-12T20:55:00.000-05:00

So the boy, our friend and co-workers and I have taken an appartment in Tennessee. I'm sure that I just spelt Tennessee wrong. What the heck does Tennessee mean anyway? (Says the girl from Calgary, Alberta. Alberta has got to be the ugliest name ever. Beautiful province. Ugly,ugly name.) We have a little bit of furniture and I'm finally starting to get some more work. (Finally, I was off for about three weeks, which is negligable in archaeology terms, but I'm spoilt). The ex is threatening to come and work for our new company, where he would likely supervise both my boyfriend and I. That might be slightly awkward. Or it would be really cool. Some how, it still makes me aprehensive. It's not a big concern, though, because slightly awkward is not a super big deal. I've been in touch with a bunch of friends lately, and I'm feeling pretty good about everything. More later

Come and gone from West Virginia

2006-04-22T07:11:00.000-05:00

Well, I've come and gone from West Virginia! And was it ever great. The pit-partner that I wrote the first eulogy for is from there so we went camping and damn! Was it beautiful! The rainy picture is the site I worked on and the sunny picture is our camp. The new company I'm working for is interesting. They seem much less odd than the other. It seems I will be working for them for awhile. It's kind of a strange feeling to trust them and wait on it, but I guess this is a solid step up from shovel buming? Who knows?! I'm much happier!

Quitin' my job and heading to Hill Billy country!

2006-03-11T05:44:00.000-05:00

So. I've quit my job and will most likely be heading to WV for a short term job. The boss was happy with me, but I needed to try something else. For all of the reasons listed in the last entries. She offered me a reference, told me I was a calming presence and a good worker. It felt pretty good. Just one little matter to clear up before the WV job goes through. More later.

Everything's gonna be alright

2006-02-26T20:41:00.000-05:00

OK, so things are much better. I've moved into a new appartment. Gotten drunk on a work night with a bunch of other kids and spent time with the boy I want to sleep with. I'm feeling better about this whole thing, but am still a bit stressed out and wierd. I guess I'll always be a little like that. I'm tired, but I'm happy. I face the work week with excitement and hope and all that jazz. Everything's gonna be alright.

Homesick

2006-02-19T20:01:00.000-05:00

I am sooo homesick. I think that's why I've been worrying so much about boys down here. I am not lonely or bored I am desperately homesick. People who go away from home for a few weeks are not entitled to say that they are homesick. My stomache hurts and I suddenly want to cry. I just want the feeling that someone somewhere loves me. My ex is still my friend out here. The new boy I'm seeing is exciting and I think that if we make it another couple of weeks we should have some fantastic sex. All of this is a distraction for me. None of this is real. I think it would have been less traumatic to stay in the army. I sit here, in the room I will occupy for another week or two, knowing that I am making memories that only matter to me and to a few others. These memories will fade. In a few years I won't remember the names of my friends from this job. They won't remember me. And I don't belong at home anymore. I learned that over Christmas. I don't belong anywhere. So this is what it means to be a nomad. Never fitting in. Never belonging. Wallowing in self pity. I have the life I asked for. Somehow, I imagined that people would care about my story and that there would be a joyous re-union of old crew members. I imagined that I would fall in love. All of the relationships began on this project have ended. I like the new boy, but we aren't even pretending that there will be a future. Living this way can be so great, but tonight I'm listening to Rosanne Cash and wishing there was a man that loved me and friends that I've known for years. The mountain in the picture is my mountain. It even has the same name as me. I wish that I was within view of that mountain that I climb every year. Will I climb it this year? I don't know. I'm done with the morbid self pity. I need to make a phone call before I start to cry.

Going Numb or Growing Up?

2006-02-18T23:06:00.000-05:00

So, another of my close friends is leaving. And I don't even mind. My life out here will go on without him. It will be fine. I know it will because all those other people left. I have other friends and before I had them I was also fine. We're like rats out here, biting each other and having sex with each other. We pretend that we really care, but deep deep down, all of us are basically selfish. We know we need to do what is best for ourselves and we do it. We care, but not nearly as much as we say or think we do. And I wonder, am I going numb or growing up? I don't know if I like the new me. There are only two people out here that I am going to really, really miss. One of them I want to have sleep with and the other is my close girlfriend. Any one else could leave at any time and I would miss them, but not nearly as much as I say I would. It won't be the same without him. But it will still be just fine.

I'm supposed to go canoeing tomorrow, but it will be 30 F, so I might cancel. I feel badly about that, but I wouldn't miss the guy if he left, so I don't understand my own reaction. I think it really is all about me. I want to think that I am basically good. But really deep down, I don't care as much as I should. Wierd. I do need to be strong enough to cancel, because I am still sick from last week. I missed work and I hate doing that. It's bad for me.

My Shelter

2006-02-10T19:58:00.000-05:00

My shelter is the place I spend most of my waking hours. It is the only thing protecting me from the winter elements. It was not designed for winter and much time is spent on it's upkeep. It has floors made of wood found on the site. Sand found near by has been spread on the floors to prevent slipping on mud or ice when it should form inside. I live in it with my pit-partners. At lunch today, we realized that we had been "going steady for nearly a month now". It is a good group. We are happy. It is sometimes like a polygamous marriage, with our husband feeling left out or us wives competing for attention. Usually, we all just work and laugh. I love it here as much as I long for a new place. Two people are leaving today. We try to celebrate their future adventures rather than miss the time we could have spent. The leaving has become constant and in many cases bitter sweet. I am to tired and emotionally drained to type another mock eulogy. It is over, I think, with my boyfriend. I am alone. Some times blissfully, some times lonely. But I am loved. In its way, this community loves me. I love it back. While I am here.

Just Keep Sayin' Good bye

2006-02-05T17:22:00.000-05:00

I thought that title would make an excellent country song. I was pretty upset when my pit-partner left and we had our site photographer leave this week and my buddy from the NJ project is leaving in a month or so. I'm the type of person who gets so incredibly excited about travelling, but cries profusely when each of my jobs end because "it will never be the same" and it never is. It's a good life out here, mainly because of the people and I'm going to be sad to see it change. My buddy from NJ is now my oldest friend American friend who is not an ex-pat (we've been friends since July). I'm not looking forward to delivering his mock-eulogy. I know that some people will keep in touch. I've talked to my ex-pit partner and we're planning to go rafting in West Virginia in April or May, so I really do believe we'll see each other again. This entry is supposed to be my good bye entry to our site photographer but may end up as yet another feminist rant by me. Brace yourself.

So. About 10% of the people on this project are female. This means that though I cerish my female friends out here I am going to have to make male friends. Since I obeyed the pair up or die rule by having an on site boyfriend I assumed this was safe. I guess maybe not. Since there have been problems with the boyfriend, everyone knows about them because we all live together, work together and eat together. Now, I have stayed up many nights drinking alone with single or married men out here. Nothing happens either way. This is because we are friends and respect each other. Occaisionally, you feel awkward and slightly embaressed at work because you get too drunk and reveal personal details you never meant to. [read: You inform them that you got kicked out of the US army for having worked for the Canadian government. By you, I mean of course, me]. But for some reason, one of my new pit partners seems convinced that there is some sort of scandal involved in me staying up late and talking to the photographer. Yes, he is married and no nothing happened. He gives me good advice and enjoys the feeling of being appreciated for that advice. I'm a long way from home and it's nice to have older people to talk to. I was embaressed at work because I did that thing, where you share to much and then they share too much and then it's uncomfortable because if you'd done all that months ago you could work out away to be friends that wouldn't seem scandalous, but now there isn't time, so it seems scandalous and you are confused.

I'm beginning to realize that though this has been a long project people are slowly dropping back to their other lives, those that have them. In the better weather more people will leave for other projects, because they are bored, because they've worked enough. I wanted to leave in March or April, but I now think that I should stay until June, because one of my friends is getting married in Calgary then. Weddings are expensive. Particularly if you have to fly across the continent to go. I'd like the financial security of knowing I have a job to go back to after I spend all that cash.

A borrowed picture of Rabbit Hash

2006-01-29T22:08:00.000-05:00

This picture was borrowed from http://sitigrl.tripod.com/photos/rabbithash.jpg. It was summer and there were 1/2 as many cars and far fewer people dressed in overalls than when we went.

Rabbit Hash

2006-01-29T20:43:00.000-05:00

Our site photographer has been raving about this Rabbit Hash place since I met him in September. As part of my mission to starting liking Indi-uky/Kentukiana again, I've decided to try to explore some of the places that I may have over looked the first five months I've been down here. Rabbit Hash came up. After I tried to think of ANYTHING to do. So after a breakfast at Wafflehouse Florence KY we drove for about three hours to try to find Rabbit Hash (it is not always on maps, despite the fact that it is on the National Historic Register). So we find Rabbit Hash. It is a twenty minute drive from here. It is a creepy little Kentucky hamlet (barely) that elected a dog as mayor, possibly as a bid for attention. This worked as a small independant film was made about it. The buildings were really cool and there was a small museum that I'd like to go back and see on a day when it is open. (Not too much open in Kentuckiana on a Sunday). The town was officially from the 1830's, but they date the early inhabitants to the 1770's (not sure who they mean, must return to the museum). Not shown in the photo is the man wandering around with a dead coyote on his head. Mmhm. Dead coyote. Actually, the photo's won't upload today. But still. Dead coyote hats?

Early morning reflections

2006-01-29T01:19:00.000-05:00

It’s very early in the morning, or late at night depending upon your perspective. It seems like a good time to take stock of my situation. I’m days away from turning twenty-six. I’ve finished a BA and am shakingly, but potentially on my way to an MA. I’m in debt, but manageably. My parents are all right, but shakily. My brother is fine. I am in a cramped apartment in southern Indiana. I’m on a project I don’t know if I agree with and I’m not sure if it agrees with me. There is, essentially, no other work in my field for several more months. Things are rocky, but currently stable with my boyfriend. I have nowhere else to go. It is raining slightly outside and I can’t seem to quit smoking. If it rains tomorrow and Monday like it is supposed to I won’t work until at least Tuesday. I get paid soon and if I can save the money and last another two weeks at this job I can pay off one of my credit cards. Then there will be only one more month until I can pay off the last credit card. From there, I can begin the safety net for graduate school. That will take another month. From there, I am free. I can take jobs that don’t pay as well, or I can save to try to pay off a major part of my student loan. So from today I am in debt bondage for another two and half months. That takes me to about May. Without additional permits this job will go until April. That’s fine. I can survive right now without the savings for grad school. I could leave in April. The field season should be blooming at that point. The situation is well under control. Things are trying, but safe and the future, only a few months away looks bright and full of potential.

On differences between Canadians and Americans

2006-01-28T15:27:00.000-05:00

There’s an old joke that you can always tell a Canadian in America because he’s the one who states an opinion like a question.  Supposedly, it’s a mark of Canadian speech patterns.  Seriously, though, there is much debate in Canada on the differences between Canadians and Americans.  As part of our education system we focus intently on how Canadians are unique.  The truth is there really aren’t that many differences between Canadians and Americans.  My experiences here have highlighted a few slightly subtle differences.  One thing that I have noticed is that due to the relative lack of social programs in the US the taxes are lower and the risk of injury or unemployment more severe.  In other words the stakes are higher done here.  It’s exciting as a young person, because I can make better money down here and my risk of injury is much lower than an older person’s.

Talking to young “only” Americans about aging is a bit disheartening because very few seem to think that they will ever be able to retire.  They believe that their not yet born children will be solely responsible for their care in the latter years of life.  Canadians seem to feel that their retirement will be pushed back and their standard of living dropped, but that they will still have the opportunity to retire on their own.

The Americans that I’ve talked to also show a prevalence of concern that their economy will collapse completely during our lifetime.  I don’t know if this is a result of some sort of American paranoia or is actually a valid assessment.  Interestingly, those that feel this way do not blame an outside source, though there is concern about China. The predominant direction of blame is internal; citing decreases in employment, outsourcing, over spending on defense and a perceived drop in educational standards as potential culprits.

Canadians seem to feel much more concern about environmental or social issues than issues of national or international economics.  I’ve yet to have met one young Canadian that felt the Canadian government or economy was in serious danger, even with our recent changes in leadership.

I find this interesting as a reflection of societal differences, additionally because the US and Canada are major trading partners and neither could withstand the collapse of the others economy.  As a mix of the two I am confused and concerned.  I do not personally believe that the economy is in imminent danger of collapse, but I do see us on a very disturbing trend.  I am concerned for my parents’ retirement and have small savings for my own potential unemployment, but have absolutely no plan for my own retirement.

I don’t know which way is better, or whose philosophy is correct, but I’ll keep watching to see if I can find anymore legitimate differences between the two.

Sunny Sunny Days

2006-01-26T20:49:00.000-05:00

I am trying blogger for word for the first time.  This is because the internet account I share with my co-workers is not working.  There are more wild and weird rumors going around the site and the whole thing is just getting bizarre.  But it’s been great getting to know all these people.  I hugged my neighbor today because I was frustrated about some of the weirdness.  He was pleased.  It was funny.  It was really sunny this afternoon and I was horribly struck by how much our moods really are affected (effected?) by the weather.  We’re fantasizing about working in Guam this week.  There was a job posting there that my boyfriend e-mailed about.  We haven’t heard anything and there’s a good chance we won’t.  I’d like to go to Guam.  (I don’t know anything about Guam, but that would be an adventure).  However, it might also be dumb as I’d be leaving some great friends and some good money.

On the plus side I am finally set up to automatically pay all of my student loans.  Also, I got a book about travel that I am going to read when I finish the middle eastern history book I am currently working on (it is not as boring as it sounds).  Middle Eastern history is cool.  I swear.  The travel book should cheer me up.  I also ordered some other books in to look at economic archaeology and try to pick an MA thesis topic.  I really, really hope my US funding comes through, but I guess I will call the school in early March if I haven’t heard by then.  It seems too soon to do it now.  Even though I think about it every day.  Usually two or three times a day.  Sometimes more.  It’s actually getting kind of disturbing how often I think about it.  I’ve been debating on and off about applying for Canadian funding as well and then returning it if I get the US funding.  I think I may do that in March if I haven’t heard from the grad school by then.  From their perspective they have until September to set it all up so the urgency is probably not apparent to them.

Anyway, I’m trying to formulate a back up plan if this doesn’t work.  I was thinking that I could attempt to travel around and write about some of the funnier/stranger experiences I have, but I seem to be too timid to post them on my blog and too lazy to actually write them up as a novel.  Good plan.  Clearly I will make myself a fortune.  One of my current pit-partners, who wants out of archaeology, would like to be an actress.  This is her back-up plan.  It made me realize that I have a long way to go if I intend to be a writer.  Everyone wants to be a writer and no one reads books.

Vicious Attack of Wanderlust....

2006-01-23T16:58:00.000-05:00

So. I have been a bit grumpy on this blog lately. All of us in the field have been and it has occured to me why I am so grumpy. This is my year to travel. I don't know how far back you've been reading, but this year I have been to: Montreal, Missouri, Montana, New Jersey, New York, Calgary, Indiana, Kentucky and Alabama.

However, for the last five months I've pretty much been in Indiana. This doesn't sound long at all when I put it on paper, but five months is a long time. If you'd spent five months in prison it would seem really long. I mean, I only spent a couple of months in the army and that seemed like forever. I have a viscious attack of wanderlust, but I also have a decent job. For once, I feel incredibly grateful that archaeology is a field of imperminence. I can only imagine how it would feel to know that if you left your decent job you would regret it. This job will end and I will be released with a sense of accomplishment that I stuck it out and made the money I needed and did the responsible thing. Then I will either go to England for grad school or to one of those ten places on the list to console myself.

I have a vicious attack of wanderlust....want change......

10 Places I would love to visit (in no particular order)

2006-01-23T16:29:00.000-05:00

I. Bangkok, talk about beautiful history and culture! And it's cheap livin'
II. Washington DC - Museums, the atmosphere saturated with the power to create change (at least I imagine it is)
III. Morocco - Marketplaces, rugged desert. Sounds amazing
IV. Tunisia - I am obsessed by Carthage and Dido. So tragic.
V. Ireland - picturesque scenery quiet atmosphere. St. Brigid. It would be a dream retirement locale from everything I've heard
VI. Beirut "the swingingest city east of the Suez", the Paris of the Near East. I could wax eloquently for ever. I used to think I'd meet my husband in a cafe in Beirut. Maybe I still will...
VII. China. The world is changing in China. I could spend a lot of time traveling around China.
VIII. India - I am facinated by Shivatic Hinduism. I think it is a very natural and holistic view point.
IX. Egypt. Any archaeologist who does not want to go to Egypt should be forced to abandon the field and work in a bank
X. Iran - It is so forbidden that I would love to go. What a culture shock I could experience! I wonder if they have McDonald's? I hope not.

There are a hundred thousand other places I would like to go. The Orinoco basin in South America, A tropic island to sleep in the sun on one of those bleached out beaches, Rome.... Where's the one spot you would go if you could?

Eminent Domain or the random loss of property rights?

2006-01-22T10:38:00.000-05:00

So. I am a fan of right-wing economics. I should say, I support right-wing economics when it is practiced correctly. One of the corner-stones of capitalism and free-market economies is the protection of property rights. The "Eminent Domain" law kills the fundamental protection. This is a very, very, big problem. One of the first things a fascist state does is to remove property rights in a manner very similar to this. In fact, text book fascism is marked by the control over property by the government and big business. This is a law which must be repealed if we are to keep a free society. Whether democrat or republican, socialist or capitalist, this law is offensive and down right disturbing.

For a history of eminent domain and the original use of this law please see Wikipedia at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eminent_domain#United_States.

I am looking for a national action group which hopes to curb this law. Anyone who finds one is encouraged to post a link in the comments section. Also of note, laws similar to eminent domain exist in Canada, UK and Australia, among others and are covered at the same site in Wikipedia.

Who needs property rights anyway? This is just getting down-right disturbing.

"The whole idea behind collectivism in general and fascism in particular is to make citizens subservient to the state and to place power over resource allocation in the hands of a small elite" - Economic Fascism, Thomas J. DiLorenzo

...ooops....

Mock-Eulogy for my pit-partner

2006-01-19T18:49:00.000-05:00

Well. My pit partner quit today. It was sad. The company had been trying to get him out because he's been stiring up trouble. It's a damn shame. One of the girls at lunch asked me how I felt about him leaving, and I accidentally delivered him a eulogy. I explained that he was good to work with and had a great heart, but that he just wasn't happy here. He'd been talking about leaving since Thanksgiving and I felt like he'd held out a pretty long time. Then, in classic form, I turned to his friend and said, "but you knew him better than I did. What do you think?" His friend talked about how he'd been unhappy and that he was going to a place were he'd be happier.

It pretty much sucked. Sometimes, this company and this job sucks. The money's fantastic, but the management and permanent employees need some serious work. Then again we're all a bunch of egotistical wack jobs, so who knows.

Another rainday.....

2006-01-17T17:51:00.000-05:00

Wow, we are not working very much out here. It keeps raining so we keep getting sent home. Our PI broke the news today that if it keeps up like this the company might delay for a month. That means no work, no per diem and no place to live. I can stay with my brother in Illinois for a bit and I could go visit my friend in Alabama for a bit. My darling old pit partner told me I could crash at his place in West Virginia any time I needed to. So I've got options beyond staying in a hotel or attempting to pay the rent on my three person apartment alone. The problem with a month off is that it isn't always just a month. The last time I had a week off, it became a month. A month off can quickly become three.

I guess we'll see what happens. After all the complaining we've all been doing we've been making decent money out here and I'd hate to see it come to an end. It's hard to find good work in January. Or February for that matter.

On a less worrisome note. After watching a PBS special on Walmart I have decided to attempt to buy American more often (I would also buy Canadian or any other country that seems to obey some sort of labor laws). It's harder than you'd think. My buy American purchase today was equate brand anti-bacterial wipes from the local IGA. The package has a little US flag on it, so I know they are telling me the truth. The equate people would never lie to me. I'm not trying to buy American to be patriotic. I'm trying to support work practices that are decent and I'm frightened of how much of our economy is being controlled by the Chinese. (The PBS people turned me on to this. It all ties in with the whole "Lou Dobbs" thing I posted earlier.) As a North American, it concerns me that we seem to always feel threatened by some one. It seems like the cold war mentality has been ingrained on the whole continent. That might be an excellent topic for the next rain-day rant.

An archaeology song

2006-01-15T15:10:00.000-05:00

This song was inspired and partially written by "long Tom", who would be horrified at what a nerd I am to post it and to still give him credit.

Yes….

I can’t believe the news today
Oh, I can’t close my eyes and make it go away
How long….
How long must we dig this quad?
How long? How long…

‘Cause tonight….we can start a new unit
Tonight….

Broken bottles found in other units
Animal bodies strewn across the first two levels
But this is not an historic site
It puts my back up
Puts my back up against the wall.

Thursday, endless Thursday
Thursday, endless Thursday

And the levels just begun.
This level will be sterile, just like the last one.
The trench is dug within our hearts
And PI’s, crewchiefs, pit partners torn apart.

Thursday, endless Thursday

How long…
How long must we dig this quad?
How long? How long….

Clearly, we all have some emotional problems.

2006-01-08T15:29:00.000-05:00

Aurora, my home away from home

Boys night out

2006-01-08T10:57:00.000-05:00

Well, my bf and his best friend went to see friends this weekend. I was pretty ticked because we haven't spent much out of work time together since we got back from Christmas break. Knowing I was kind of pissed, my friend decided that I would have people over for pizza and beer and wine and other fun. We all had a really good time and it reminded me that there are other people out here. I need to make friends out here and relax and have fun when the bf isn't around. I also found out that he's been telling me small lies. For example, when I asked him when he was planning on telling me that he was leaving for the weekend, he told me he was waiting to tell me first. Talking to my friend, I realized that she knew before me. Not a big deal, but just another example of his making up excuses to avoid admitting that he was being an ass. You know, I just don't know about this dating thing. Grad school in October. Grad school in October.

On-line Marketing Manners

2006-01-07T16:51:00.000-05:00

So. I told my parents I would try to get some home-school sites to link to their software webpage. This seemed like a relatively easy task. The software was designed for home schools. However, I have no earthly idea if it is responsible, polite or even legal to send an e-mail to the home-school sites asking if they would link to my parents web page. I don't want to become a spammer, or to offend or annoy. I suppose there are probably library books about this? I tried to find a webpage about it but there are so many on-line marketing companies that it's hard to actually find one that addresses the pertinent issues. If you all know of a link, please let me know.

In other news, major fighting with the boyfriend. We have different temperaments. He fights hot and I fight cold. Not sure if this will last. I guess we'll have to see. Right now, I don't think that much of him. It's unfortunate because we just got confirmation that our project will be lasting another three to four months. That should take me to April! By April there will be plenty of other jobs open! The season will have begun again. And if it hasn't, I'll be able to afford to take some time off!

Happy New Year

2006-01-03T21:04:00.000-05:00

Well. Apparently I got all my anger out in my last post. Now that I'm back at work I'm feeling happy, if a bit moody, and it's good to be back! I saw my boyfriend and our room mate. My pit partner came back and so did most of the people who said they would. It was nice to see them all again. Felt comfortable. I could tell many of them felt the same way. We met our quota today at work (because there are four of us) and basically had a good time. My good friend, who was supposed to come back, is not coming back. This is unfortunate, because it'd be geat to keep working with her.

Canadian Politics, wild rumors, smear campaigns and accountability

2005-12-31T12:32:00.000-05:00

So. We kicked out the Liberals through a vote of non-confidence. This is an interesting move. Because nothing will change as a result of this. We will have a new election. And for some damn reason we will re-elect the Liberals, who are still headed by Paul Martin. We will do this because a) we aren't really very bright and b) all our politicians are so corrupt that it is frightening. At least we know the ways that Paul is corrupt.

The local PC candidate in my parents riding sent out a little brochure about Paul Martin and his boats in Barbados and his incredibly poorly paid crew; how he steals Canadian jobs and all that. I was filled with slight indignation (a strong emotion for a Canadian to feel over national politics).

While out for drinks with friends, one of my friends' boyfriend mentioned that he went to college with this local PC and was pretty concerned that he'd entered politics. As a rule, this man votes PC, but does not live in the riding we are addressing. Apparently, the PC completed his bachelor's thesis on the topic of "Hitler:Misunderstood" (I know this is a very poor title. It should be "Hitler: A Man Misunderstood" to be grammatically correct, but the original title is slightly ironic). This did not completely floor me. We all write papers about WWII and the Nazi party were more evil manipulative demons and bumbling fools, so there is the occasional positive remark to be made. It continued though, that this local politician had spent years obsessing over the propaganda and methods of control used by the Nazi's. He didn't grow a "Hitler mustache", instead Goebells, the minister of propaganda was his idol. He would model his glasses, his style of formal dress and his hair cuts after styles approved by Goebells.

Now. This sounds like a horrible smear campaign, I thought to myself. I have no evidence that this is true, and have not published this mans name, or enough information for anyone to determine who he is for that reason. There is a good chance that this is a smear by my friend's boyfriend, but what if it isn't? There must be some way to determine the base values of our candidates.

Alberta has a problem with white supremacists. Generally, these people are rural, not urban, but it's enough of a problem that it is quite possible that this candidate holds these beliefs. How can and we figure out what are politicians really believe? If said candidate was a neo-Nazi sympathizer, he would never publicly admit it. (We have problems with neo-Nazi's, but they are no where near bad enough for a serious candidate to do that). And why is it a problem? Well, hmm, if the people who help determine your laws don't like people that don't look like them it can obviously affect a myriad of ways. Naturally, he's just one candidate in one local riding, but he is young and it is clear that this is a stepping stone for him. Everyone has the right to run, but how can we figure out what our politicians real agenda's are? I voted for him, last time, and I know he'll win again even if I don't vote for him this time, but if this is all false perhaps I should vote for him again!?! This is why Canadians don't vote. I guess I won't this time. I'll just use the excuse that I am stuck in Indiana. Because if I can't vote PC, then my choices are Liberal...hm...NDP(yikes) and green. Realistically, in my riding PC has always won and will always win. But this is because we don't really have a non-corrupt middle of the road option. So people vote PC to put the grind to the Liberals (this part of town believes in western alienation). So who needs to know the party platform or the background of the candidate? Some times, politics just makes me mad.

Aside: Should you be one of those racist types, please don't bother to add a comment. I respect your right to free speech, but this is my blog. You can post your opinions on your own blog.

Wasting our time here?

2005-12-25T17:41:00.000-05:00

With it being Christmas and almost the new year and all that I've been wondering if we are wasting our time here. Really. I mean, maybe you aren't. But I've done alot this last year, yet not alot has changed. I've:

Finished a thesis. Finished an undergrad degree. Got into grad school. Joined the army. Got kicked out of the army. Excavated a graveyard in Jersey. Explored NYC. Excavated an historic/prehistoric site in Indi-ucky. Got a US cell phone and apartment. Bought a car. Tried to live as an adult.

These things are good. But it seems that I spend so much time just trying to keep my life together. I don't know if I am actually doing anything truly usefull. Am I doing more than surviving? Not right now. But will this come along as I get used to being an adult? I'm not sure. I'm very afraid that I might lose the most important thing that children have. (I know that at 25 I'm not a child, but I've worked damn hard to maintain this aspect of childhood, so bear with me). I was shopping with my boyfriend and I found a cheap computer game I wanted. Unsure if I should spend the money I said to him "I want it, but I know I could save the money and spend my time on a more pressing project." My kind and completely mis-understanding boyfriend said to me "Sweetie, do you really have anything more pressing to do right now?" I was as stunned as if he had slapped me, though I realized instantly that what he meant was "Spoil yourself. It's not very much money."

But our ultimate goal as children was to enjoy life and make the world into the place we wanted it to be. My boyfriend comes from an upper-middle relatively protected background. He's been out of school since 2003 and I am very afraid that I will adopt his attitude. With time you get so used to surviving that you forget about your plans to improve the world. Some times he seems very selfish to me. Is that normal? I've never thought of anyone I dated as selfish before. They all seemed to have more problems than he does though. But back to the point. If we are living only for our only advancement and survival then what is the point? Where is the community and the commitment to something beyond our own selfish needs and wants? Is this America? I don't know. Maybe it's just getting older?

My "home" city

2005-12-25T17:06:00.000-05:00

So it's Christmas time

2005-12-25T16:55:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm sick again! This is ridiculous, I just have a slight fever, but I'm finally back in Canada and all I want to do is take baths and sleep. Some jerk left an advertising comment on my blog and I don't know how to get rid of it. Does anyone out there know how to remove comments?

Also, those on my crew who are leaving after Christmas have gone. We past around info lists, but I doubt I'll hear from them again. My first pit-partner was one of those to leave. He said he would e-mail us obscene things, but who knows if we'll hear from him again. The truth of it is, that if these people wanted to stay, they could have. It's been cold and we haven't been finding much, but when we move to a different site we'll probably find more. As for the cold, we're lucky to have work this time of year, so we'll just have to deal with it.

I'm thinking about asking for a new pit-partner. I really like my current one, but it's been awhile and it might be nice to work with some one else. Also, he's bossy and moody and I'm not sure if it'll get better or worse. Who knows? I've talked to my supervisor about it and he's willing to do whatever I want, it sounds like.

I have my own quiet little Christmas tradition that I feel like sharing for some reason. I like to read the children's series, the Dark is Rising, by Susan Cooper, around Christmas time. The books really are very entertaining and cute. More positive than the Harry Potter books, but still very fanciful.
Well, take care all and Merry Christmas to you!

How to Cook for Forty Humans

2005-12-20T21:51:00.000-05:00

Sorry about the cheesey Simpson's rip off. Last night I made stew for the crew on my project. We've been taking turns, as part of a with-in crew attempt to build moral. I felt like it was my turn so I stepped up, but I am not...er...known for my culinary abilities, so I was seriously concerned. It went over famously. All the stew was eaten, and though it was a little bit bland they seemed really happy. I felt like some sort of medievil peasant woman as I washed the HUGE stew pot out in my appartment bath tub. I was still wearing my ugly men's long underwear tops and my messy work pants. The guys came over because my room-mate made extra crock pot and gossiped about manly things. It was kind of comforting. I don't want anyone to leave this project.

I'm flying back home after 2 more work days so I am seriously excited. I figured out my budget today and it seems like everything will be OK. My pit partner is planning on leaving, I think, if he can find another prospect. This is a terrible time of year to be looking for archaeology work. I'm going to miss him. So far, one of my pit partners was promoted, one was fired and then re-hired (I don't think he's coming back) and one is still working with me.

I'll probably edit this for co-herence, but I just wanted to try a more personal approach to this blog. See how I feel about it. Please feel free to comment.

The Town I am Living in

2005-12-15T19:53:00.000-05:00

I'm still working on actually sharing my ideas and experiences in a coherent way. When I try to write about the economic and political issues, I kind of feel arrogant going on some random rant. (My friends from Pittsburgh assure me that rants are appropriate and normal, but I'm still a little too Canadian for their version of communication.) However, I don't want to sound like a guide book (see prior post), or spend the whole time ruthlessly slandering my already insanely paranoid co-workers (I didn't mean you. You know I meant.) So maybe I'll try and describe the town that I am living in and see if that helps to share my experiences.

Right now, I'm living in a really picturesque little town. Some of the crew are staying in an old opera house that has been converted into apartments, while some of the others stay in rooms above the local bar. Since I stay here weekends (I am more than 3 days drive from "home") and I am a young woman, I thought it might be better to live in the opera house.

So my roommates and I were driving home from work one day a couple of weeks ago and we noticed that in the center of the intersection of main and 2nd, there was a massive Christmas tree (I will post pictures). This Christmas tree is still there. You have to drive around it, which is a problem if there is another car coming from any direction. That, so far, has only happened to us once in two weeks. We backed up into the local liquor store parking lot and waited for the pick-up to drive by. They are also having sleigh rides and "elves" introducing "reindeer" to kids, but that's just cute.

We were looking for a place to eat in town, when my roommate pointed out that all of the establishments we past were private lodges. To the best of my knowledge there are three private lodges in this tiny little community. That seemed a little odd to us. But then again, we're just a bunch of over-educated kids from liberal arts schools. May be there are communities were everyone is a member of a lodge or "fraternal order" or the legion. Who knows?

My random endorsement of Fort Ancient

2005-12-11T21:07:00.000-05:00

A view from Fort Ancient Historic Park in Ohio. the foreground on the right is the top of part of the mounds.

Fort Ancient is a beautiful archaeological site. The mounds are pictorally less than impressive, but the site has a very large circumference and the duration of occupation and activity are worth attention. A number of burials were excavated from this site. Osteological analysis has been completed on them, allowing interesting conclusions regarding burial practice, lifeways and status with in the Fort Ancient community.

There is a small cost to visitors to access the park and the museum, but it is very reasonable. The site has a number of walk ways, posted maps and visitors descriptions along the way. Additionally, there is a small but well kept and informative museum on site. Oddly, it does not sell any thing resembling Fort Ancient type ceramics or lithics, but there is a nice little book collection at the book store. This collection would be particularly interesting to students of eastern woodland archaeology or archaeological/cartographical history.

There is also a very brief blurb about the former town of Fort Ancient, which to me was particularly interesting. It would be nice to see this developed in the future should further funding become available.

This picture was taken in October, but my co-workers tell me that early to mid November when the leaves are changing is the most striking time to visit this site.

I thought the park was excellent and I would encourage anyone interested to check it out.

Lou Dobbs' Secret

2005-12-11T20:31:00.000-05:00

Lou Dobbs does not appear to be evil. I kind of feel sorry for the guy. He's supposed to make economics exciting for the masses, yet provide informative news to those who study it religiously. That would be a tough job. He talks a lot about economic reform. Tonight, he promises to let all Americans in on the secret of why it now takes a dual income to run a household. Prepare yourself, I think I have scooped him. Get ready:
1) Inflation
2) We have higher standards of living than past single income households

I hope you were sitting down.

So, why is there inflation? Simple. We've let go of most of our primary and secondary industries (natural resources and production) and are mainly a service industry society. This means that we are simply cycling our wealth within our own sphere and not actually generating wealth from other spheres. (I still haven't started those books on globalization, so I'm sure there are more correct terms for this). Essentially, we're tanking our own economy in away that is not often talked about. Out sourcing of service industry is receiving a lot of attention in the news right now, but the really important issue of industry has essentially already been decided. What do you think? Am I right?

And we have higher standards of living because we, like all animals, can be greedy.

My sick day

2005-12-06T09:46:00.000-05:00

I'm off work with the flu today, but I'll be back tomorrow. It's really cold outside now, so I wanted to take an extra day to make sure I don't get worse. I feel a bit guilty about it, but I am sick, so there's really nothing else to do. Usually, my day in the field runs a bit like this. Up at 6am, stubble around hotel room in a daze putting on layers of clothing while sipping coffee and packing lunch. 6:30am Have a cigarette. 6:45 am drive to site. 7:00 am begin unloading trailer and setting up for the day. 7:30 am my partner digs 2-4 1x1m quads at some point we switch off with periodic smoke breaks in between. 12:00 -12:30 lunch, we all huddle by a heater and eat. 12:30-5:15 more digging and screening. 5:15-5:30 pm we pack up and wait for occaisionally address from our PI. Then we go home. Usually I have dinner with other people from the crew and we go for beer or just have an early night. You really never spend anytime by yourself. Especially now that I will have room mates. Our schedule runs 5 days a week. Except for December, everything is a bit messed up because of me getting sick, American thanks giving and Christmas holidays. Hopefully it will all work out. Sorry for the somewhat dry article. I'm not feeling like myself and it's beginning to feel a bit like a grind.

Back on the internet again!

2005-12-05T11:21:00.000-05:00

Wow! Sorry for the long absence, I've been away from the internet for several months! On the bus on the way back from Jersey I got a job offer in Indiana on a far less exciting, but more typical cultural resource management job. CRM is a polite way of saying archaeologists dig quickly to allow an understanding of the site before it is utterly destroyed by whatever building is being put there. In the case of this site that doesn't seem like too big a deal. I mean, we're finding things, but it's actually being handled really professionally, not like some of the horror stories that you hear.

Indiana is pretty different from what I expected. I'm making new friends and really enjoying life down here. There are some really great people around. I've got some sort of international phone to handle the now almost unpayable phone bill I've acquired. I suppose this is a good place to note: Canadians, do not get a monthly cell phone plan with Fido. If you must go with them, use pay as you go, it might seem more expensive but it's much harder for them to do horrible false things to their bills. None of this is very exotic, but I'm down with the flu and I can only afford to take oneday off of work, so I must be better by tomorrow. I should have regular access to the internet for at least the next month, so I promise more regular postings!

In the pit

2005-08-29T16:09:00.000-05:00

Well, I've been excavating in New Jersey for almost two weeks and it's going pretty well! I'm about half done this project and then I have to go home! I'm kind of torn because I'd love to buy a car before I get another job, but it's kind of frustrating that I apply for so many and haven't gotten one yet. Now I remember why I was at that night job. It was really easy to get. I suppose it would be better for me to have a car before I take off and I can always go back*sigh* to the night job. I've taken some pictures from our trip to NYC and I'll post them on here when I get a chance.

Leavin' Town

2005-08-10T16:59:00.000-05:00

Well! I got the job in New Jersey and I am leaving tomorrow. My crappy job boss is OK with it. He seems a bit skeptical that I am moving to New Jersey tomorrow, but I'm going. I'm training my replacement tonight and then I'm off a few hours after work tomorrow! Wish me luck!

New Jersey!?!

2005-08-10T07:25:00.000-05:00

OK, I know it is unfair of me to post when I don't know if I'm going to New Jersey or not, but while I was camping over the last couple of days, I was offered a short-term job in New Jersey. I'd love to take it, but it may take me too long to get to New Jersey. I'm currently killing time until 9am New Jersey time and I felt, for some reason, that this was a good time to post to my blog. I'd be excavating a former cemetery (former cemetery..hmm...not sure if there are still bodies there....). I've never worked with osteological material before, so that would be cool. However, my current employer at the crappy night job I work is going to be less than impressed when I quit with 2 days notice. I've never quit with 2 days notice before. But this is a good opportunity and I've never been to New Jersey before.

On an odd note, after my little fit of introspection the other day I called up my father and asked him what he thought the meaning of life was. He said that since he doesn't believe in religion, there really isn't a meaning to life. I'm not sure if this is a sign of depression or if he's profoundly honest. He also told me he thinks that I need to spend less time working alone at night. I'm sure he'll be very impressed if I go dig up bodies in New Jersey. That's much more uplifting than working alone at night.

Keep your fingers crossed for me!

The Big Questions

2005-08-08T06:01:00.000-05:00

So, now that I have finished school, I have been pondering the BIG questions in more detail. Because I work nights, am alone alot and frankly don't have anything better to do. A question that bothered me a lot at school was, Will this help?

Will me learning about the past and gaining knowledge that Joe Average doesn't care about help anything or matter at all?

The answer: Help who? Help me, maybe, and I intern can use this knowledge to help others *the circle of life begins to play in the background* But, when human history is viewed in the span of 10 thousand years (yes, I buy into that whole "dawn of humanity thing") does my contribution help? No one can answer that.

What is my purpose?

Am I a hedonist, am I a humanist, what am I here for? Again, who knows?

But what about the people who seem so well adjusted? Do they know the answer, or do they just not think about the questions? If I am as smart as my test scores say I am, why have I had problems in the past? Why am I not some perfect student who lives according to the system? Perhaps I am part of that percentage of very intelligent people who are just a little bit crazy? *circle of life shuts off abruptly and is replaced by the flight of the bumble bee's*

Why is it impossible to truly be well rounded? I mean, I like a good beer with the girls, but I also really like comparing the philosophical musings of Sartre and Camus. Why are these things mutually exclusive?

Why is it wrong to talk about more, er, esoteric topics? Imagine that I called up a friend and said to her, "Hey, I was thinking about Nietzche's theory of morality and while I disagree with his premis about religion I do find that people apply relitive moralities to many different circumstances. Do you think that we should formally adopt the concept that relative morality is acceptable?" This type of conversation is considered snobbery. The concept that anything unpedestrian is snobbery prevents us from discussing and changing and growing. In certain circles this would be acceptable, but I would not be allowed to blow off a term paper to stay late at the bar with good friends in these same circles. If my intelligence is proven by these tests, but distrusted outside of all but a very few environments what do I do? Should I exist for the few environments at the cost of the rest of my life, or should I try to suppress the thoughts inorder to make the rest of my life bearable? Why does life outside these circles sometimes seem unbearable, when the life completely within is far to emotionally restricted?

The people who can exist happily in only one of the two worlds I discussed above; How, in the name of all that is good and holy, can you do it? Please teach me this skill!

How hard is life supposed to be? Is it harder at certain,er, stages than others? Is it harder for certain people than others? Is it all about perception?

Hhm, maybe I'll make my own version of those e-mail lists that go around. A more personal version of those "Getting to know your friends" things. I think I'll put those questions in it. Until then, if you've found some answers, please feel free to pass them on to me. At a later date, when it is not 5:20am, I will endeavor to be slightly coherent and address the questions myself. I know. You wait with baited breath.

I'm back

2005-08-08T03:37:00.000-05:00

Wow, after a long absence, I am back. I've been a bit disheartened by the fact that no one is reading this blog. It occurs to me that in order to find it, one would have to go to blogger and then enter in "fish on a camel" since I find this unlikely, I'm afraid I'm going to have to sign up for things if I want people to have access to the blog let alone bother to read it. (On an unrelated note I will marry/adopt anyone who successfully guesses what the fish on a camel reference is related to. Hint: It has absolutely nothing to do with the feminist rants I seem to be posting constantly). I'd ask for suggestions on how to create blog traffic, but since I don't believe anyone is accessing the blog that would be a touch redundant.....
more later

Finishing School

2005-04-30T12:34:00.000-05:00

Well. I finally finished school....for at least a year...maybe. My deferal for my MA has been approved, so I'm set for 2006 if I want to go then. I'm driving to the states to talk to my army recruiter tomorrow. I think he may want me to enlist, but I really would prefer to go commissioned. I'll have to see though, I'm a bit afraid I won't pass the medical. (Don't think anything's really wrong with me, but who knows. It's pretty easy to get disqualified.) I think I might need to fill out a waiver or something. I wonder if my feet are still flat. I don't think I'll bring that up when we talk.

I'm finishing up my last day (maybe) at the part time job I kept while at school and when I get back from Montana, I'll start my new job at a landscaping company. Next week my brother comes home. Lots of exciting things are happening, but it is seriously frightening to finish school! I was really upset when I broke up with a guy I lived with for a few years, but I wasn't frightened or stressed out like this. Who knew? There's a lot of pressure to suddenly be at the same place financially as those who didn't go on to school. It's very silly. Maybe I'll hide from everyone for a bit...oh wait, the desire to flee the country in as many ways as possible.....

Girl on Girl action: One more feminist rant

2005-04-22T01:48:00.000-05:00

After thinking long and hard about feminism and the role of women in important situations including: life, the army and at parties I have come to an annoying conclusion. Though some men may perpetuate the barefoot-pregnant stereotype the real keepers of the glass ceiling are other women. This realization came after a conversation with my mother. I was discussing a post I had read by a woman in the army who said that she could bench press her own weight. My friend's husband is currently attempting this feat in order to become a police officer. Since there are many female police officers, I can only assume that they met the physical requirements as well. I was telling my mother how impressed I was by the fact that so many women could be so physically strong (God knows, I'd be happy if I could bench press my thesis, let alone my body weight). My mother, the holder of a master's degree, shook her head and asked me where all of the feminine women were.

Maybe I was over reacting, but it was like a key fitting into a lock. I thought it was admirable for a woman to be that strong, as did many of the male and female police officers and military personel. My mother felt it was a sign of masculinity and implied that these women were all potential lesbians. We had a discussion about a girl I worked in the field with last summer. She has short hair and a long term boy friend of whom she is very fond. She is of a rather strong build, but still very attractive. My mother met her and liked her, but confessed to me that she was secretly relieved to hear that she had a steady guy because she wouldn't want me going into the field with "some one a little off". I was floored. First by the assumption that my strong spunky friend was automatically suspected of homosexuality due to the traits I most admired in her and secondly that she was concerned about me being alone with a lesbian. This was a summer as an archaeologist, not in a womens prison! But, perhaps by admiring strong women and choosing a physically demanding career, I was showing my own signs of becoming a potential lesbian.... Let the witch hunts begin!!!

Interestingly, my rather homophobic father was unconcerned about the sexuality of any of the above women, choosing to assume that they were in good physical condition because of job requirements rather than sexual orientation. I had always thought the girls in gym class who faked incompitence were complete idiots who would grow out of this behavior. It had never occured to me that this behavior was taught to them by their mothers. My relatively extensive dating experience has taught me that all but the most insecure men enjoy a woman who at very least attempts to hold her own. While they don't seem to enjoy being continually bested by a woman, I'm willing to bet they wouldn't like it from a man either.

The real face behind the mirror telling our women warriors, businesses magnates and power brokers that they are unfeminine, out of place and flawed is not the wrinkled face of our grandfathers, it is the disapproving stare of our mothers. Is it jealously at opportunities they didn't have? Or is it the desire to punish behavior that allows women to dream the kind of dreams they were never permitted. I don't have a clue, but I know what to watch for now when I'm concerned about the glass ceiling. We're fighting each other.

Women in Combat Situations

2005-04-14T02:12:00.000-05:00

So, I keep seeing all of these big debates, mainly by men, detailing pros and cons of having women in combat situation. The jury appears to be out, but still not in favor. (At least in the states). May I humbley point out that many countries successfully use women in combat including Canada and Isreal. No matter what you think of Canada's few combat ready soldiers, the women are held to the same standards as the men and from what I hear the initial degree of distraction ends pretty quickly. Think about how much time you spend with your squad members and how dirty and gross and grumpy you are together. You think of them as brothers, right? Tell me the woman is going to seem sexual after all you'll go through. Sorry,pal, you're going to think of her as a sister.

The Isreali military can really hold it together. Don't want to start a diatribe about their politics, but I think we can all agree that they are a tough bunch.

A common suggestion is that females are weaker mentally and physically. The sad truth: Female bodies are not designed to do the exact same type of physical activity as men exactly the same way. This is due to weight distribution. Men are more top heavy and women are more bottom heavy, to put it simply. This means that a 140 lb woman who does the same number of push ups as a 140 lb man is actually lifting weight from a less efficient perspective. (If you want it in physics, the bulk of her weight is distributed closer to the fulcrum of the leaver your body makes). Her muscles are therefore working harder to accomplish this task. Assuming they both have the same maximum number of pushups she has stronger muscles than he does. As for the arguement that women are weaker mentally, well, its taken a lot of men a long time to realize the above facts, so they aren't exactly noble geniuses leading women to safety. There is no actual evidence that one gender is intellectually superior and many debate the idea that there are ANY intellectual differences that are gender based.

Group dynamic is the other big arguement. (ie. Women are distracting, men are confused about their duties when women are around, etc...) Psych studies show that mix gender groups are far more successful under stress than single gender groups. Also, many gay men who have been in the military have come out to their squads. If men can deal with their squad members being gay, they are probably evolved enought to handle crew member that can't pee standing up. In a well lead group, everyone knows their job. The suggestion that men are so simple minded that having a woman in their group confuses them and makes them forget their task is insulting to everyone.

The real issue about women in combat is how it makes men feel. Does it make men feel scared? Does it make them feel less masculine? Does it make men feel uncomfortable because it underminds their idea of what a woman is?

This raises the question, though many men don't seem concerned about women in combat, why are the others the ones who get to decide? Why is it up to men to allow women in combat?

The Pope, Terri Shiavo and Death

2005-04-02T20:42:00.000-05:00

So... there's a happy title.... There's been a lot of death in the news lately, perhaps I notice more because it's Catholic death and so, on this a fairly Catholic continent it recieves a bit more attention than deaths of those further away. It makes me think about the kinds of death that we mourn. I was reading a blog by a seemingly intelligent woman who suggested that since the vatican was encouraging Catholics to pray for the soul of the pope and not a miracle, John Paul II had already died and there was some sort of cover up going on. Her logic was that since the Church encouraged the faithful to pray for Terri Shiavo in a different way, they must already have given up on the pope. The difference seems very obvious to me, but it seems that some people have missed it, so you'll forgive me for stating it here. John Paul II had a very productive, long life and died of natural causes despite the best help his medical team could provide. Death is natural and the mourning of John Paul II is for the loss of a good man and a Church leader. It is for the hope that the next leader will be just as good.

For Terri Shiavo who, from a Christian perspective, was murdered, the prayers were of a completely different nature. She died painfully (it would appear) and slowly and it was certainly not a natural death. The prayers in this case were to prevent what was believed to be a great injustice. I don't want to be partisan here, but really, to starve someone to death for two weeks as an act of kindness? I have a great deal of difficulty with that concept. It should be very interesting to see what her autopsy reveals. But I digress.

Death. Sometimes I think about those funny anti-smoking commercials we get in Canada. They say things like "Smokers are 30% more likely to die." They don't say of what or when, so the implication is very interesting. As long as we refrain from risk taking behavior we can ignore the possibility of death. We all know that we will die, but if we don't take risks, if we tow the government line and behave the way we are told the other people are more likely to die. These commercials disturb me, partially because I am an avid drinker and I feel that drinking is as likely to cause my death as the cigarettes I smoke mainly while drinking. I also feel concerned that the government targets certain issues as "death issues" and suddenly we all crowd around them. In Canada, obesity and obesity related illnesses kill more than cigarettes, yet there is no rampant campaign against obesity. I would also argue that obesity lowers the quality of life much more significantly than does cigarette smoking. When I was young, the "death issue" was seat belts. The regulations regarding this were just coming into effect. When I was a teen is was drunk driving, and the crack down came just a few years later.

Still, smoking is the current government target. I wonder why? Is it easier to target, or simply more socially acceptable? So many fat people blame genetics for their problems and it is considered poor form to challenge this assumption publically. People who smoke are vilified for their bad life style choices, where as people who are fat are pittied for their poor genes, gland problems, lack of self control or low self-esteem. It's interesting what is considered bad form in our culture. Perhaps I'm a hypocrit, because I have smoked but have never had weight problems. Maybe this colors my view. I wonder if obesity will be the next "death issue" and the government eye will turn on those that over indulge? I guess we'll see.

Pair Up or Die

2005-04-02T01:47:00.000-05:00

It seems to me that peer pressure is something that we are a bit hypocritical about. We tell our teenagers that doing what their peers do is very dangerous and terrible and that the best thing a teenager can do is 'be themselves'. This mentallity seems to hold true until teenagers become adults and then the emphasis is back to doing exactly the same thing as their peers. I'm finding that a number of my friends are pairing up, they're all changing, some for better, some for worse. I didn't mind, even when one of my closest friends became intolerable after her marriage.

It bothered me when I was at a party the other weekend. I was one of the only singles there and because the women were all either married, having babies or desperately wanting only these two things. I was chatting with one of the women's husbands about hiking and backpacking, we were both enjoying this very platonic conversation when suddenly the hostess' mother rushed up and shot me that look. Not the mean look, the pittying look. Now, I wrote this off as the woman being a little old fasioned and over conscious because I know that nothing we were discussing was inappropriate. I took the hint and tried to make conversation with the women. It didn't go well. I wound up defending my decision to break off a serious relationship and travel the world. The general feeling on their side was "isn't our way good enough for you?" and the general feeling on mine was "why does there have to be only one way?". I was chatting with another married guy friend whose wife was at home with their baby when again, up comes the mother of the hostess to loudly break up the conversation to show me pictures of the baby which she knows full well I've already seen.

I feel a digression coming on at this point. The mother of the hostess is nice. She is a really nice lady and I have known her for a long time. She was possibly the one who was acting on what other, less polite people, were thinking.

Now the married friend with the baby and I get along well, but the line for me is that he is married. In a very drunken moment he tried something once and I yelled at him. Being the good married man that he is, he confessed it to his wife and she forgave us both. She's an absolute saint. (This was probably helpped by the fact that nothing actually did happen).

I chatted briefly with one of the engaged men about his upcoming nuptuals. I had one of the few good conversations I had with a woman at the party with his fiancee. We talked only about their wedding. She was really happy and obviously pleased to have someone to discuss it with, so I enjoyed the conversation, but it was hardly the foundation for a firm friendship.

Later, in a conversation with the hostess, she brought up our married friend's wife repeatedly. I have no problem discussing his wife. She's really very nice, however, I'm becoming a bit offended by the constant implication that I need to be warded off of these married men. I have never had a relationship with a married man, a divorced man or a man that I knew was in another relationship. I am openly not looking for a relationship because I am planning on moving in a few months. I can not imagine how I am a threat to these relationships. As a single woman, am I forbidden from talking with married men? Is there a new set of rules that apply to us once most people are married? I'm not excited by this new trend. Hopefully things will get better when I move away from this crazy continent. I'm curious though, are other twenty somethings finding this a problem? It was always OK before.

Why I have a blog

2005-04-01T03:18:00.000-05:00

Basically, I'm avoiding finishing my thesis and I feel guilty when I avoid it to do other things. I'm planning on switching continents soon, so I think I'll have some time on my hands and maybe a desire to share my experiences with the world. Right now, I'm still in Canada, but we'll see how it goes. Hopefully, someone will enjoy reading about my experiences. We'll see!